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April 13, 2006

YEAH, IM WEIRD!... SO???






Found the very first post on one of my old lost blogs :)
it went sumthin like this...


***Who am i trying to run away from?....
The ppl who eventually realised who the real me is?...
Those pesky friends of mine who found their own way to my blog?
The ppl i thot i could trust and shamelessly disclosed my identity?...;)
I thought i dint care ...wht the heck!...neways the ppl who eventually realised who the real me is shud accept me as i am...
The pesky frenz who got their way thru my blog hav a rite to know wht i really feel
And the ppl i thought i trusted enuf to let know my real feelings....wht the f***k...dont i still trust them...?...:)
THEN WHY?...WHY AM I CREATING ANOTHER BLOG....???

Well i guess i can never be the "real me"...knowin tht the worlds gonna read my feelings, my emotions, my rantings...etc etc...
Be it be from family or frenz....i guess i need my own space...
Space to let go of my emotions...
Space to crib bout the uncertainities of life...n sometimes the certainities..;)
Space to type my innumerable rantings...
Space to disclose my myriad dreams and fantasies...
N most of all space to breathe...space to live...space to create a small lil world of my own..(so wht if its a blog world);)
Maybe eventually therell be ppl wholl find out its "ME" again
maybe those pesky frenz will find their way here again...
or maybe juss maybe Ill trust someone 2 let thm know ....

N THEN MAYBE...ill juss move on and create yet another blog....;)...(muhahaha****


And juss yesterday ,another very good friend of mine accuses me of not trustin enough...
and tht set me wonderin...
i havent changed much eh??
im still the same ...almost the same...sigh!!!
Maybe one day "nostalgic moments" will be gone too....*i hate to think tht way*.
but thn hasent tht been "typically pri" all this while...
whr hav all my prev blogs dissapeared...why hav they been shut down...???
why this post thn...n why do i feel very much the same way sometimes even today??...
who am i runnin from???
wht am i runnin from???
am i even running or juss makin a futile effort??
why this secrecy...this anonymity...whn i myself cannot comprehend it sometimes??
thrs no reason to be this way...yet why do i continue doin so??
am i crazy...insane...paranoid...or juss a lil extra cautious???
and if i am, thn wht is the extra caution for...why this blog? why "nostalgic moments".? why this sharing of ideas, of views??...
So much as i hav never really said it, i am in love wth "nostalgic moments" and all u ppl who frequent it...who dosent like being pampered??who dosent love being cared for??
but thn why am i afraid of losing it someday???...
i came across a beautiful line somewhr ---as we grow up , we lose ourselves as a person...very true!!
hav i lost the ability to trust, the confidence tht life can be beautiful...tht ppl can actually be sweet whn they seem to be...tht someone can genuinely be concerned or care ???...its sad ...but i think i hav :( and wht ive got in return is this crazy attitude ...this constant urge to remind myself tht ppl are juss fakin it whn they say or act tht they care...this feelin of takin 5 steps behind whn i feel the slightest clue of goin 2 steps towards someone...sigh!! will tht ever change...as much as i hate it, i feel a strange sense of security because of it...its bizarre i know...but i guess ive accepted it as a part of me...n sometimes i do feel sad bout it...not sad for the othrs (as my friends believe sometimes) but sad for me...its like hatin sumthin u know ull never part wth ...funny...eh??
Im not even the types who like to keep ppl guessing....though it may feel tht way at times....but believe me thts only cos i dont hav ne othr explanation for my weird behaviour...it confuses me as much as it does ull :(...
nor am i one of those ppl who hav those dark secrets or a extraordinary life wch they dont want othrs to find out about...thn why? why? why?...
i hate it MOST whn i confuse myself...!!! :(

n yet thrs no real want to change,
no real inclination to act othrwise...

bottomline: I GUESS PRI IS WEIRD...
(n she see's no desire or inclination of changing or improving...so il'l juss keep my fingers crossed and maybe an inkling of hope tht the world will change for pri...accept her for wht she is...if not!! god save the world and her :)
each as they go different ways...)

god bless and take care!
*smiles*

28 comments:

vIcKy said...

well Pri...I think I shud share a piece of my mind with you..."People who are true and caring to you will always accept you the way you are"...You are not weird...but you are confused with the atmosphere you are in now...There are situations in life when one will feel betrayed, cheated and left with none...And i think you are experiencing one such moment of your life...

Try to be different in every single thing you do...try not to be normal or infact try to bring a change in everything you look, speak or hear...That will soothe you and make you feel better...Above all, believe in god...he will set things rite for you...

Dont trouble yourself too much...And believe me, "This blogging community LOVES you the way you are"...We love nostalgic moments and we are there for you 4ever...

Take Care...

vIcKy said...

Oopss...frgot to mention this...




HUGZZZZ....

southpaw said...

If thats what u call wierd...we need some more like u....:)

Ashish Gupta said...

Ironic!

you dont wanna change.
but then afraid to show what you are!
don't you wanna let ur frnds know what kind of person you actually are? why pretend to be something you are not :-s


exactly thats what I think - who are you running from? who are you kidding?
urself, huh?

Priya_Satarkar said...

You have got a nice blog...

anirudh said...

hey have you heard audioslave..one of their songs says it all.."to be yourself is all that you can do"

Ajay said...

hmm
a prolific blogger you are.

Neha said...

Is you real name Pri? J/k u don't hv to answer tht :)
hey u wanna remain anonymous.. thts absolutely fine.. we all need some space!mayb this is urs..
just be yourself.. and don't worry wat the world thinks!

Keshi said...

funny how u and I wrote similar posts today Pri :)

ur not weird...just that there r some very weird ppl out there...u just be urself...


**this constant urge to remind myself tht ppl are juss fakin it whn they say or act tht they care.

spot on! I feel the same...especially on the net..I dunno why..mebbe cos I have had made the HUGE mistake of getting close to such fake ppl b4...Im now learning to be self-sufficient. I cant please the world and nor will I try to..

Keshi.

Cold Coffee said...

i can totally relate to your blog..
having done the same myself...
why the anonymity? let me tell you.. sometimes your rants and cribs about people might hurt their feelings... and this is your space.. you have the right to say and do as you choose..

what guys don't understand is... there are things a girl keeps secret... and these things when let out in the open might either hurt somebody or give yet a few others some ideas...

the anonymity goes hand in hand with the mystery of being a woman.. and saying those things which you feel you can't say or having someone who reads you free from bias... someone who doesn't know who you are and can be a good sounding board..

and you're right it is far easier to blog anonymously than with your real name because you have the eternal fear of someone sniffing out your secrets...

sometimes some words, some thoughts are easier to be shared with strangers (people who don't know you at all).. or only your closest friends... because your mind is not open to the 'aam junta'.. or the general public in your friends circle...

these friends who 'stumble' on your blog find out all your secrets some things you might not even tell them .. and you know nothing in return.. not fair at all is it?

the last time i made a blog was at work.. i was cribbing about this guy who made a pain in the ass of himself.. he was really madly besotted and misbehaved with this girl (my friend who he thought was too ugly for him).. so i din't want to be nice to him either.. and if he found out how much i hated him .. he'd have made things bad.. anyways he'd suck up to the boss and talk crap about the rest of us.. so we didn't like him... yet i wouldn't have liked him to read my blog and find out exactly how much i detested him out of concern for his feelings...

oops.. i think i've written a whole story out here... just got carried away i suppose... :)

Cold Coffee said...

oops i forgot to finish my story... the b****** found my blog... and he even sneaked through my personal email... or rather tried to... i'm not sure

but what he read would have only caused him pain.. good for nothing dumbass..

anyways, my thoughts were not for HIM to read... so in case he found my blog link ....??? I deleted my blog and made a new one :)..

Ekta said...

what am i running from?...
Give me the answer when u find it too pri...guess we all need an answer to this one!

Anonymous said...

May you find peace!

May you not run from you as you run away from others-who care for you.

Peace

Anand said...

*Who am i trying to run away from*
Guess most of the times I realise...its me!

the_ego_has_landed said...

hey...i guess we're all weird in our own way;p lol...about the change part..one thing is true..people never change!tc

Ashish Gupta said...

running is OK. We all keep running all over lives - away from ourselves, to catch up with our real selves, copying others, being US, behind some worthy things, some unworthy......

Whats more important is that we introspect about where are we running!
I think more than I run being afraid of ending up as in this song :D

Reshma Anand said...

pri - thats been an interesting post for me to read on account of the sheer honesty with which you have written.

White Forest said...

a post with the insight!

Sometimes we are runnign from ourselves rather from others!

Keshi said...

omg where r ya Pri? :)

Keshi.

Cold Coffee said...

oye pri..
i hope you haven't run away looking at the length of my previous two comments..lolz..
come bakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

hehee... or we'll have to ask vicky to come up with another curse ;)

chandni said...

hmmm....

weird? arent we all?? in our own ways?

Dont be too hard on urself...this too shall pass!

Anand said...

pri..
time for new post!

Pri said...

heyy guysss..for all those who thought this was a goodbye post...its not...il'l be backk...no wayss am i leavin ull soo soon...heehee

thanks everyone for toleratin me even on the suckiest of days :)n sorry for not replyin to each of ur comments personally...also hav a lot of bloghoppin to do..but thtll hav to wait for now...
seeya on the other side of this break...

miss me (even though itll be only half as much as i miss ul'l) *smiles*
tk care...

Ashish Gupta said...

wats this? again a deserted place :|

I want my share of new posts >:)
c'mon enuf resting for now ;) come back fast!

Ajay said...

still feeling weird ?
new post ? ??

vIcKy said...

hey pri...left blogging??...long since you wrote something...get to work dudette...

chandni said...

hey...where have u vanished??

no updates....

vIcKy said...

Hey Pri...Long since u updated your blog...hope everything is alrite...So stre4ssed up with exams huh??

Anyways Take Care...