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March 17, 2008

i say it best when i say nothing at all...


I came across this interesting stressbuster on la vida loca's blog and with her permission,thought i should give it a shot too...
well i happened to find it as a part of a tag on many blogs and i was almost tempted into taking them up..but then thought maybe sometime later...
right now, its just things which are bottled up in my mind, that i need to vent out...things i wish i could say...things i wish i'd said...things i know i might never get about saying...
reminds me of these lines from a song in the movie 'lakshya'---
" kitni baatein kehni ki hain,
hoton pe jo sehmi si hain,
main kaise inhe bhoolon....
dil ko kya samjhaoo...
"

anyways let me proceed...i would prefer not listing the names of the people i wish i could say this to,thus keeping the 'mystery'... err...and also maybe the 'security' elsement alive...lol!!and frankly speaking because it wouldent make sense then...its supposed to be a stressbuster remember?
so u will never get to know who all these are for...so please dont ask :)
so here's to the peace of mind and satisfaction i hope to attain through this...*raises her glass*

1) please stop sending me those stupid fwds...they just occupy too much of my mail space...and do u really think we can still be in touch thru such silly stuff after the way u behaved the other day??

2)if u knew how gayish u sound when u do that 'awwwww' when someone is upset, u wouldent be saying it anymore :-/

3)i hate it when u sing and yaa have even contemplated murderer.heehee...u just wont listen willya?

4)please STOP asking me questions u know il'l never answer...i know u seriously care but u know i dont!!

5)i never wanted you to stop commenting on my posts..just wanted you to come out of the anonymity...but somehow u took it the wrong way and now im feeling bad...

6)i know its all a farce and frankly speaking, i dont believe a word of what u say...but everyone else seems to believe it and u seem to be enjoying the drama...
just sometimes, i think i should give u the benefit of doubt...but i have this gut feeling right from the first time i spoke to u,that screams u are a fake...

7)somewhere i wish u would just ask me if we could start all over again...

8)please stop trying to hook me up with irritating people who desperately try to know me better by asking me what my hobbies are..i seriously am not interested in changing my status as of now...il'l get back to u when i am...okay?

9)thanks for that exaggerated introduction the other day...i now receive almost 15 sms's on a daily basis,almost eight being crappy mushy forwards..and no! im not replying!!

10)i dont hate you because i dont even know u but somewhere within im very angry because u took away from me the only thing i ever wanted...

11)i wish u knew me as much as u think u do...

12)the very fact that u actually dint have table manners put me off..ohh and there were other things as well...u were too loud...too crass...and me..maybe i was too suspicious...

13)dunno why...but i dont feel like confiding in you anymore...

14)ewww...when they speak about ppl with two left feet, i think they have exactly 'you' in mind...heehee

15)i just dont want you to go through what i have...because i know what it is like...

16)i still think of you sometimes and i hate myself for the way i behaved...

17)forgiving isnt easy for me...and forgetting, impossible!!

18)i always admired u for ur success...until the day i got to know how u got there...

19)sometimes i feel bad for u ...other times i remember and feel maybe u deserve it!

20)thanks for setting an example...its only because of you that il'l never get about trusting anyone completely in life...

21)i HATE the jello u make..and i strongly suspect thats exactly the reason u make it everytime...hmpf!!

22)i miss you...not for the person u now are ...but for the person u once were...

23)seriously, u dont have any right to assume ANYTHING about ANYONE'S personal life and just because some people come to u for advice, dosent mean everyone needs it...

24)i could never give u that one gift i had bought for u...if only i knew it really was the last time we were meeting...

25)the only good thing about losing you was now im no longer afraid of losing you anymore...

26)the reason i was always soo cold towards you was because i had heard u pass a very cheap comment on a primigravida during our obstetrics posting...that day i understood how low u can stoop...
and u thought i was showing attitude??

27)u know everything and yet...??

28)i can never forgive u for that incident in the reading room no matter how many times u apologise...and even though i say that its all okay,both of us know YOU ruined the friendship...and all for the sake of 5 bloody marks in that damn ortho viva???

29)those words u said to me on the first day of medical school still ring in my ears everytime anyone speaks about u...and when someone shows soo much respect towards u, i just wish i could tell them what a b***h u actually are...u are nothing but a DISGRACE to the teaching staff...

30)ok i ate that 'toblerone' u had hidden from me :-/

31)u dont understand...u never did...and u probably never will...half the times u hurt me, u dint even realise it...

32)you are such a irritating clown at times but the only reason i dont ever tell u that is because i know u just try to make me smile and im thankful...but believe me, there are times when i feel like hitting you left, right and centre!! :-/

33)u promised to keep writing but i knew u'd forget to keep this one too...

34)someday u would realise why i did what i did and that day u wont be angry with me anymore...

35)i dont know if its my good luck that i have u in my life or ur bad luck that u have me in urs...thanks for being sucha good friend inspite of everything...

ok thats all for now...i feel better...it feels lighter speaking out things u want to say but havent...
and now that ive listed them out neatly, maybe i will probably gather the courage and say some of them to the people they are meant to be said to...
and the others??...the others will remain on my blog...having the status of an enigma...

and then there are those which cant be said even on here...they'l just remain in the heart...locked up...and leave me only when i leave...for good...for ever! :)


UPDATED:im disabling comments to this post as i do not want anyone to comment on it as these are my personal feelings and this was intended just to be a destressor to help me get things off my mind...
for those who commented, ur posted comments would still appear in the comment section...because i wouldent want to delete them...:)
but incase u thinking this to be a hate post,look again...
and ul'l find feelings of guilt, remorse and regret in there too...
and then there are things i wished i said but as luck, fate and life would have it, couldent get about saying...
i admit most might sound bitter...but they sound exactly the way i feel...and the least i want to do is pretend or mask the hurt..atleast not on here...
one comment suggested that i am probably not disclosing names on here thinking that i might lose something i already have with me..if this was the case, then im sorry u think this way...because frankly speaking,it dosent really bother me whether anyone judges me or not...
i have already lost what i had to lose and believe can never lose what im not supposed to...
so u are free to think whatever u like..it dosent really matter...
thanks for those who understand me and for those who dont, its okay too...I understand...
P.S: this is not in offence to any of ur comments..but ya ur comments did trigger off a thought (and thoughts are always welcome)...take care!:)

5 comments:

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

umm... so you made 35 comments. Assuming that each one was for a separate person, i am actually sad to read this post. If these are for separate people then i am surprised that you have something against for 35 people in your life!!!???
I wonder how many people would you actually say good things about... may be you want to re-think your opinions about other people.

Please don't take it wrong. I do not mean to criticize you in any way. I am just saying... to help... it was the first reaction I had when I read the post and I just wanted to honest.

Cheers! :-)

Ankur said...

I feel, that you want to say a lot to many ppl, so y cant u name them, the way u want to...

Guess, we all dont want to loose wat we have in our hands i guess!!!

When u say someone is fake, u r judging them, out of!!!

forgetting n forgiving!!! :P we know u cant :P

It is always good to speak your heart out, even after reading the post, i thought, thus she even want me to comment on this, any of us... but then i thought, she has made it public!!!

So much of hatred, or may be criticism, or may be i dont have a correct word for it. You know, being honest, even i agree with Raaji, i thought every one is for a diff person...

and u can also listen to this sometimes...

Yunh hi chala chal rahi-2,
kitni haseen hai yeh duniya,
phool saare chamele, dekh phoolo ke mele,
kitni rangeen hai yeh duniya...
yunhiiiiiiiii....

Cheers!!!

P.S. None of this is a question.

Endevourme said...

lol :D
i can pick up whichever i want right?

vEENs said...

Pri, u r good now girl?

let 'em out thats a good way.. someday I will need to do this too.. :)

About what Raaji said, God bless her(Pri) that she has that for 35 people...and among them, sme of them i m sure dnt mean a lot!

and when u r silent ..it doesnt mean u carry it along...its just that everyone has there moments of desperation and moments when u knw it wont help, if we were to spit out our feeling on everr damn body tat came our way... i dnt think its gonna ever work... i guess...in many people there are some things u dnt like... coz no one is perfect.. and sometimes somethings are better left unsaid....to not to tilt that equilibrium :)

i hope i m not offending anyone! jus making a point :)

Keshi said...

pentup thoughts...giving themselves a voice.

Nice Pri :) good destresser too.

Keshi.