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April 22, 2008

im not a 'perfect' person!! :((


i have a feeling nobody really loves me :(
and why would they??

i havent been the perfect daughter
---i yell at my mom when she says something i dont like though i know its for my own good...
---i slam doors and still throw tantrums...
---i go without eating dinner if im not at the winning end of an argument...
---i do exactly the opposite of what im told to do sometimes...
---im too lazzy to help my mom in the kitchen and wait for her to call me (wch she hardly ever does..shes a sweetheart--my mom)
---im guilty of not spending enough time with my parents...
---i dont attend family parties even if my dad insists just because i find it boring to tag along with a plastic grin when i hardly know anyone there...
---i hardly make an appearance--not even to say a hello, when there are visitors at home...
so why would my parents love me?? :(


i havent been the perfect sibling either...
---im always the first to plunge at the extra bit of icecream in the fridge and sometimes i sneak downstairs quietly just to reach there first...heehee
---im the most terrible patient a dentist can ever have, when i go to her clinic...
---i never have the time to listen to her though i make sure she's always there to listen to my cribbings/rantings/troubles/woes etc etc
---i sometimes ignore her when im in the company of friends :-/
---i make her chauffeur me around when i need to go someplace...
---i often get irritated with her when she advices me on things i havent asked her about...(i hardly realise then that shes only trying to help)
---i never go along with her when she wants the company...
---i almost always make up excuses not to meet her friends...
---i pick at her mistakes like ive forever been searching for them :-/
---im hardly ever there to console her when shes down...
---most of the times, i give her brutally cold opinions, often telling her that its her mistake even when it sometimes is not...
---i hardly think she's ever right...
then why would she love me after all this??? :(


i havent been the perfect friend either...
---i hardly forgive but i expect to be forgiven...
---i seldom remember birthdays..but im irritated if someone dosent remember mine...
---i often reach late for meetups..but hate if im made to wait...
---sometimes i dont understand but almost always i expect to be understood :-/
---if im really angry i might say nasty things on ur face, but if u do the same, il'l end up shocked, bawling and walking out on u...
---it dosent take much to hurt me if ur my friend and i care about u...
---i have got a huge ego and find it very difficult to apologise even if i really want to...
---if im feeling blue, i (even though unintentionally)make sure u rnt feeling 'pink' either :-/
---if im irritated, il'l say so right on ur face and expect u to forget it the next morning and be my 'bestest' friend again...
then after knowing all my eccentricities, why would my friends love me? :(


when it comes to being 'the one'...
---i would expect him to love me , me and only me...
---there would be days when i would feel ultra-possesive and get irked at the slightest mention of anything or anyone feminine (other than me)...
---there would be times when i would expect him to understand that im too lazzy to cook for him and want him to suggest that we eat out...
---there would be days when i would expect him to convince me how much he loves me and he shouldent get fed up if i play 'difficult'...sigh!
---i would want the love never to fade..not for a single moment...
---i wouldent assure him 'his space' all the time as there can be days when i would be watching him like a hawk..every move...every action...just because i feel like it...sigh!
---i would expect him to know everything without me having to say and when he dosent, i'd be a tad bit dissapointed...
---i would want him to strike a perfect balance between 'cloud 9' compliments and realistic ones...
---i would want him not to be bugged or irritated at me ever...even though i know i can be quite irritating at times...
---i would want him to have the patience and make me understand things i dont...and never ever get fed up and say 'FINE!' or 'WHATEVER!'
---i would want him to teach me to 'dream' once again...
---i would want him to dream with me :)
---i would want him to be the first to patch up incase of any differences...
---i would want him to scold me if im wrong and not just act indifferent or oblivious and not wait for me to cool down by myself...
---i would want him to never get tired of speaking to me and never feel bored of listening to me (sigh! i know here im asking for a bit too much)
ok! so i wonder which person would fall in love with me with all my silly utopian expectations?? :(


see see! ive never been perfect...never been the perfect daughter, sibling, friend or partner...
i wasent ever..im not and probably il'l never be :(
and now after this introspection, i think im going to go to my room and bury my head in the pillow and never come out of there...hmpf!
im sucha horrible person!! :(

nobody loves me!! they all lie...they do! just to make me feel better!! :((

i knoww itt!! i KNOWWWW!! *runs off sobbing*

48 comments:

Rakesh said...

great post..do u love urself?..thats enough.

Ankur said...

u r an idiot ass... do u knw tat... coz only idiot asses write such a post!!!

x-(

will write more later... ok... and for the title...

NOONE IS PERFECT BUT ONLY GOD, AND U R NO GOD EITHER!!!

Cheers!!!

Ankur said...

**nobody loves me!! they all lie...they do! just to make me feel better!! :((

and this is the worst part in the whole post!!!

seriously... we r on no talkin terms now!!!

x-(

Mez said...

Oh Gawd! Wot a coin..i have bene feelin that so often now. let's get together and sob teh nite away. Atleast we wud try n pep each other up. Cuz when i cry khud hi chup hona padta hai..n thtz also so so terrible. Aww hugs!

Lena said...

Nobody expects you to be perfect, do they? And well does love require any reasons? It is the most irrational thing in life.
Important is that you love them and they love you, rest are details :)

Abhishek Khanna said...

seriously u r expecting too much frm "the one"

SambY said...

why do u think u know hmm??

Cinderella. said...

This sounds like a really honest post girl !!
But you're too miffed with yourself...

And you know what, I ditto every word you said about the parents there !
And lucky you, still staying with parents, eh ? I'm jealous of you...aaaaaaaaaa......

Ang girl, tell you what, they all just dont say it, they really mean it, coz they will always love you no matter what. Wont you love them too, no matter what ?

Ask yourslef. YOu'll get your answer.

A said...

this is a needless post, though i feel you wrote this in bad state of mind. but then this is not expected out of u doc. you have been strong and balanced person. lets see that side of u as person rather than this one, though i respect the right you have to be yourself on your blog and the reason to vent it out on this space to make you feel better,

Pri said...

@ rakesh
i dunno...sometimes i hate myself!!

@ ankur
u sure know how to cheer up a person...hmpf!!:-/

@ mez
nobody loves u too?? :(
lets form a club then...

@ lena
makes sense...i think im feeling better :)

Pri said...

@ abhishek khanna
thanks for bursting the bubble...nobody asked you :-/
*sings bawra mann dekhne chala ek sapna*

@ samby
u know,that feeling wch says 'they dont love u....they dont love u' :-/
sigh!

@ cindy
well i guess i am lucky that way...they havent kicked me out of home yet :D
why are u staying away form home btw?? job??
and thanks for trying to make me feel better...

///ask yourself.ul get ur answer///
well thats where the prob started...i asked myself if i would love 'ME' the way i behaved sometimes...:-/
no brownie points for guessing the answer :(


@ A
im not always that strong and balanced :(
there are days like these too...

Ankur said...

the picture is so sweet of the girl... awesome...

she is gussa yet looking so cute... this is the reason i want a baby girl!!! :D :D

*blushes*

Cheers!!!

Rambler said...

just wondering...now that you have done the hard part of identifying things..its easy to work on them isn't it?
btw why do we humans strive so much for perfection?

Sutta said...

Firstly, you're pretty normal.
Secondly, you're not alone.

But you know what, the biggest mistake here is when you sit down and think the reasons to be sad. Thats what is most wrong. Chod yaar, mera gyan dene ka man nahi.. coz i know it wont make a diffrnce.

Ria said...

Hey cheer up gurl!nobody is perfect and btw love is all abt loving an imperfect person perfectly!! So dont worry gurl everybody loves u!

vEENs said...

yah right
i lost my comment
:-/


i wanna use that f word :-/

FREAKsssssssssssssssssssssssss

vEENs said...

ok nw i have cooled dwn :))

u r my prev birth sista!

and thats all i gotta say

i accuse u of plagiarism

u stole this idea frm my mind :-/


i was editing ths post abt y i m the best sista around... and the post content was similar to yurs ;-/

now i cant post it x-(

lolzzzzzz


we r friends inspite of all this :-/

guess it is the STAR POWER!

hehehe!

lov :))

The 'Mad' Orchid said...

Oh cmon doc....no one is perfect re...n I agree with Ankur.. xcepting God none...and after all love us because they have nothing else to love..our eccentricities,craziness,maddness and tantrums are signs of demanding thts because v love hence want from them..y wont go n eat up a stranger's head na...y wont go a share or whisper into just anyone..infact v would lend our ears and bhaav khana jisse kehte hain v do tht v the people v love and who understnd us through love the imperfect us only...even i feel the same tht im nt a perfect granddaughter, sister,daughter, friend but dahling i know tht u all love me still..love just doesnt come aiwe hi...getting me...so thts the reason v love ya our pyari si doc..n cmon get a grip tu ek doc..24 yrs k hai 2 ki nhn... :P
lodsa of love and hugs...

aneri_masi said...

aahhh...pri, I woke up feeling exactly like this. can i join you?

Pri said...

@ ankur
ahh ahem ahem! future dreaming again eh?
aapse ab kya kehna? aapne toh uska naam bhi soch rakha hain to save wifey dear the trouble :p

hope ur baby girl dosent ever stay gussa though :D
cheers!!

@ rambler
i dunno...
u really think 'identifying' is the tough part?? :-/

@ sutta
oyee its not deliberate...
mujhe koi shauk nahi 'sad' bane rehne ka :-/
but u know there are those days when it comes naturally to u...
yest was one sucha day :(

@ ria
yippeeee
*hugzzzz*
girl i really needed to hear that dialogue---"loving the imperfect one perfectly"
thankyouuuuuu!! :D

@ veens
heehee tera hi idea hain maam, jo pehle mere dimaag mein aaya due to congestion problems there, it couldent reach u ;)

aur btw yeh tere saath kya ho raha hain aajkal?
first u have those bad gym exp...then ur comments dont show up...phir someone gets ur ideas in their head first...and to top it all some template competitions ka pressure bhi ;)

sheesh veens!! 'shani' ka issue hain kya? heehee

@ mad orchid
hmmm sochne wali baat...so u mean to say all of them think like you?? really?? *looking eagerly at mads for a 'yes'*

thanks a lot dear..that really made me feel better...and very true...
sometimes we take ppl for granted only because we know they are ours and are here to stay :)
but i guess i should make sure i dont overdo it :(

@ aneri masi
sure sure...we are thinking of forming a club now...mez and me are members already...u join in too and we will sob the night away...

hows 'nobody-loves-us club' for a name??
we can even have small 'sulky faces' badges for members...
it will not be a regular club though...we better keep it as a 'visiting' one...
too much of whining is bad innit?? :-/

HolyTrance said...

thanks for ur comments on my posts...
and u knw wat...after reading this very 1st post...am convinced that theres something called 'soul sisters' :D
Keep rocking and i'll be there if u fall :)

CM-Chap said...

Good one. I hope ur feelings are alright.

---im guilty of not spending enough time with my parents & sisters - Biggest guilty of mine.

The 'Mad' Orchid said...

Yesssssssss....
u got ur yes na...n im so sure u wont n seriously will not...over do it..so comeon i want to see Pri smiling once again..chalo chalo 123... :) cmon...

Anjuli said...

Ye sab ko ek jaise, symptoms kyoon aa rahe hain...blues wale!

Only I am feeling pink right now or what, no one's there to join me :(

Ankur said...

arre woh kyon trouble lengi...

Main Hoon Na!!! :D

:D

aur haan.. she cant ever be angry with me, agar hogi bhi toh bhi jaldi se maan jayegi... i know :D

mujhe usko manana bhi aayega :D

Cheers!!!

G said...

work on yourself then. introspection is your honest look at self. be with yourself how you want to be with others. respect yourself and you'll respect others. don't complain.

adi said...

dramaqueen!!!!!!!!
u know we all love u

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

what makes you think that just because you havent been 'perfect' no one loves you? No one is perfect and we all appreciate the imperfection in others...

believe in yourself and think positive.

Keshi said...

Pri Hunny listen up..Im worse than ya. Sometimes I say the rudest things to my mum..and then I sit n cry for hours. We r all like that when we lose our temper...its not only u. And they do the same to us sometimes.

Its ok...all this means ur 'perfectly' human.


*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Keshi said...

And no matter what LOVE doesnt hv any barriers. They love u anyways.

Keshi.

Endevourme said...

waww! str8 frm the heart haa :D

Pri said...

@ holytrance
thanks for dropping by...
the feeling is mutual dear :D

@ cm-chap
i guess we CAN do something about that...atleast im going to try :)

@ mad orchid
yessss im smiling :D
thanks to u...
hugzzz

@ anjuli
will join u in a day or two dear...
life ka ek funda---u shouldent let urself stay 'blue' for long :)
overdose can be pretty toxic...

Pri said...

@ ankur
haha...lagta hain tumhe bahot practice hain logon ko manane ki??
many ppl get bugged with u is it? :p

@ g
that was some 'gyaan' there...thankyou :)
will work on it...

Pri said...

@ adi
thankss..i want to believe that :p

@ raaji
thanks for the wise words...
that was just a 'blue' phase..now im over it :D
its funny how life gives u new reasons to be 'blue'...maybe thats its way of making u forget the old ones :-/

@ keshi
thanks dear...i think ur right...neverthless im trying to improve...more because i want to :)

very true--the thing u said about LOVE...
hugzzz

@ endevourme
yeps...direct dil se...that was a no brainer :D

G said...

lol...i did smell sarcasm ;)
good day doc!

Pri said...

@ g
naah! not at all sarcastic...am serious :)

Karthik S said...

This is ur bestest :-)

But, I dont think this is all about no-one-loves-me-feeling.

But, u beautifully expressed ur love towards them. Wonderful.

Also, I second adi. You are a dramaqueen :-)

cheers :-)

ruSh.Me said...

some days are not the best of the days!!!!!!!!!!!

http://1st-ray-of-the-sun.blogspot.com/2008/04/done-un-done.html

Pri said...

@ karthik s
no no it is about me not expressing my love enough :(

u think one of the worst miseries in my life is DRAMAAA??? :((
*raising an eyebrow at karthik*
noone understands me!! :(

@ rush me
thanks for dropping by :)
that was a very nice read...

take care!

vEENs said...

boor ahaal hai madam

shayad.... iss appraisal ke baad sab theek ho jayega yah sab kharab :D

vEENs said...

waise competition chodd diya maine... dnt knw ab toh online bhi nahin aati.... work main or gym main life nikaal rahi hai meri !

:D

weight nahin kaam ho raha... nahi... kuch bonus mill raha hai :D

secret admirer said...

"ok! so i wonder which person would fall in love with me with all my silly utopian expectations??"

I WOULD :)

Pri said...

@ veens
kyaaaa...nahi u cant give up soo easily :(
u cant let kareena win just like that!! :-/
go girl!! thode dino ke liye maaf but u gotta come back once that gymming regime gets fitted in ur routine schedule...
aur weight kaise badhi?? gym ke bahane tum pastry shop toh nahi jaati ho na? *raises an eyebrow*

@ secret admirer
no...believe me u wouldent!!

u dunno me...
u dunno how difficult i can be!!
:(:(
besides falling in love is easy i guess...its the 'staying in love' thats difficult..sigh!!

secret admirer said...

i forever would :)

your secret admirer!

ceedy said...

hahaha

thank god atleast you were "perfect" in recognizing you are not perfect - saves people a lot of time, effort and money (gujju funda).....

so its not all bad....you have the great ability to discern your imperfection perfectly :)

Vandita said...

awww ure such an honest imperfect person ... thats the difference pri, all of us are imperfect but not all of us are honest (atleast to ourselves)... thats why ure loved dear and will always be :)
btw the post title took me directly to "the reason by hoobastank" which happens to be one of 'his' favs at the moment :)

Nirmal's Blog said...

ok i guess u r a doc...and u love ur patients...lolss..

otherwise god save them..

hey u r normal and many people do luv u....

Pri said...

@ ceedy
thanks ceedy..that made me feel soo much better :p

@ vands
thats one of my all time favs too...
just that unlike him i havent found my 'reason' yet i guess ;)

@ nirmal's blog
yes nirmal i do care about my patients :)
lol!! and thanks for diagnosing me 'normal'...