THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE :)

THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE :)
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September 07, 2008

confused!!!

she dint know what to speak....
she was afraid...scared...of hurting him......that was the last thing she wanted to do....she had done that enough already...
"please say something ritu...i cant bear this silence"
text message after text message...phone call after call....
sometimes she would answer the call just to hear him....but she dint say a word...she was afraid of herself...she was afraid of what she might speak...she was afraid he might ask her why she did what she did and she didnt want to answer that....she wasent afraid of him not understanding....but she was scared he would understand just too much or perhaps just enough!!
she wanted him to have the best in life....

one part of her wanted to tell him everything...yearned to speak to him...
but something held her back....a decision she had made a long time ago...
she had wanted him to hate her and she had done everything possible to make sure of that....
and today,she was afraid that if he got to know the truth, he wouldent....
she wanted to be forgiven...but she wanted to be forgotten too....and then again, she dint want to be....

she wanted to talk...tell him everything....tell him how much she missed him...how much she had cried in regret for behaving soo awful...and then again, she wanted to remain silent....to tell him nothing....hide how much she missed him....mask her tears with the silence between them...

she wanted him to love her...and yet again, she wanted him to move on...
she had wanted him to hate her....and yet again,she had always secretly wished he would never do that....

she cut the call once again...brushing a silent tear off her cheek,not knowing what she really wanted....

25 comments:

Meera said...

Such a coincidence!..Impossible!..It just looks like I am reading something which is exactly happening to me...It looks like taken from a page of my diary....Exactly what I am going through...I dont know whether to thank u for writing this piece coz it just speaks my heart!!

Rambler said...

may be time has an answer to her confusion

aneri_masi said...

Sounds like an old Hindi movie plot...with Asha Parekh and Dharmendra, or maybe Rajesh Khanna ;)

Veens said...

Maybe she will never have the answer :)

Abhishek Khanna said...

hmmm?/
kuch samjha nahi

ash89 said...

sounds like the story of my life...

Anonymous said...

Very well written...but mayb u should write further...i mean its a nice storyline!!!pls do complete it!!!

lukkydivz said...

is it one of those to be continued stories pri? what has she done for wanting him to hate her so badly?

btw, was thinking of u in the morning :P ur one of those whom i reallllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyy like even though we dont talk :P

Blog Boy said...

Let the time passes...she will get the answer ...

tulipspeaks said...

just like how i feel right now.. confused.. wish this time of uncertainty will quickly go away..


ammu.

Vandita said...

the dilemma of the heart beautifully conveyed...
i quite liked the excerpt format, kisi book ke torn page ko padhne jaisa hai... makes u want more

Pavi!!!! said...

A phase most of us gurls, have been in at some time or the other...sheesh..tough times!

J said...

This confusion thingy puts the other person in quite a spot.

Princess Mia said...

looks like am not the only one who is confused.

Ekta said...

ouch!
those..."I want to but cant" times!
If she wants him to move on..she needs to move on first...

Pri said...

@ meera
u dont need to thank me girl...i know its easier said but all the very best to you in sorting out the mess :)

@ rambler
:) sometimes time comes with no answers...u gotta find them out for urself...and thats the tough part...

@ aneri_masi
haha wish u had said 'new hindi movie' plot...would have tried selling my script to them then ;)

@ veens
maybe veens...and then again maybe she will...someday :)

Pri said...

@ abhishek khanna
hmmm...ismein tumhare samajhne wali baat hain hi nahi ;)

@ ash89
i dont know whether to be happy or sad when someone relates to this piece...

@ anonymous
some stories are better left this way...incomplete...

@ luckydivz
no divz...this is not a 'to be continued' story...the whole point is to express just a state of mind...the helplessness of some situations...the 'dilemma' of confusion...
the gaps i thought i'd leave to u guys to fill :)

Ashish Surana said...

who's she and who is him ?? :D

i mean story seems to be part of everyone's life..bt is it urs ??

Pri said...

@ luckydivz
thanks for the compliment dear...some bonds are just like that...u dont need to be within reach to understand each other--thats their magic :)

@ blogboy
hmm maybe and then again...maybe not...hence the story has no ending...because sometimes we just dont know how to conclude :)

@ tulipspeaks
i wish for you that it gets sorted out fast...whatever it is...
all the best to u girl!

@ vandita
book abhi tak likhi nahi...hum toh isi panne per atke hain :)

@ pavi!!
uhoh i dint know fiction could be as common as reality sometimes :)
but i agree, its definitely a tough situation to be in at either ends....

Pri said...

@ j
well the one going through the confusion isnt usually having a gala time either...
i guess its equally tough for both the parties involved and thats what i was intending to put across in this piece :)

@ princess mia
know what, i hated that word--'confused' once upon a time...
infact a still do...just maybe that i understand why i hated it soo much, better now :)

@ ekta
heyy long time girl...its nice to see u here..hows u been???

@ ashish surana
is it a part of everyones life???
damn!! must be a tough spot to handle...
i always wondered why ppl are so particular about putting up 'disclaimers' to ther posts....i thought it dint make much sense to justify ur thoughts....but ur comment made me realise why they do that :D

cheers!!

Scribbler said...

Time shall answer that call. One day!

Keep the faith!

Princess Mia said...

chillax babes its just a part n parcel of life

Ankur said...

perfetttt!!
love is such a combo!!

u know how i know!!! :)

but the story is presented just too well!! :)
superb!!

Pri said...

@ scribbler
ahh...looks like some serious advice for our protagonists :)
so thanks on their behalf...

@ princess mia
yeps i guess so...

so cheers!

@ ankur
thanks :)
and about love, i know i know...ur mr know all :p

kartoos said...

good one. I think She should tell him the truth. But there are more self less people than me in the world