THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE :)

THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE :)
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September 23, 2008

our story 3....

ahh finally, i managed to get the time to compile storytime 3 and here it is...
so presenting before u, the magic of our very own contributions....the crazy concoction we all managed to cook up------
no tomatoes for the ending chapter please *grin* (that is purely a figment of my hyperactive imagination trying hard to make sense of the mess we all created...heehee)
happy reading!!
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CHAPTER 1

"sorry there is noone by that name here" snapped the voice on the other end of the telephone line...

"Then is there somebody called Arnab Goswami", asked Aditi, trying to recall the aliases that Kedar used for his multiple identities.

"im mrs arnab goswami...do u have any message for him??" said the voice asif trying hard to mask the irritation...

"so the scoundrel did finally manage to snare a victim, lucky I escaped", thought Aditi, but she found herself feeling gutted and she hated herself for feeling that.
"Yes. Can you tell him that his physical test reports are ready to be picked up?", said Aditi.

Kedar thinking 'My physical test report... when the hell I went to the test center..'
Clearing his throat to sound like mrs goswami - Kedar said "I hope I aced the test"

"you surely did", came the voice from the other end but with audible sarcasm, and a bunch of laughter in the background

CHAPTER 2

she cut the call leaving kedar aka arnab goswami in the confines of the past--------*FLASHBACK*

That was when Kedar had gone back to the camera store to return the flash sans camera and the shopkeeper said noooooooooo
FLASHBACK only
Kedar was laughing his lungs out hearing that!!

--------------
kedar sighed as he remembered that fateful incident that changed his life forever...

The shopkeepers son a ardent fan of Flash Gordon snatched the flash pushed Kedar who fell on his face onto the glass counter
but rather than worryin abt the pain he had, he was more amazed to look through the glass mirror and he couldnt believe his eyes!!!

"is it her....is it my imagination..or plain simple hallucination" he mused...

His joy knew no bounds when he saw his favorite actress Nirupa Roy in the mirror.
"calm..soft..beauty...is she for real..." as he was thinking all this...the lights went off!!!
And suddenly loud music started by DJ "Dil tode ke na jaa.....". Kedar realized actually he was sitting in club and getting this hallucination type of feeling after drinking soda lime,brought by Aditi ..

...aditi...the girl he was soo madly in love with...


CHAPTER 3

aditi--the same girl--- had slipped Rohypnol in his drink.. and he remember very faintly what happened after that.. he was pleading before Aditi to leave him. He said " Aditi bhagwaan ke liya mujhe chood doo...."

BUT fortunately for him, the rohypnol was wayy past its expiry date and dint have any effect allowing kedar to run for his life, ironically leaving aditi cursing her luck not to have checked the date on the 'date-rape' drug----kedar stares at the phone receiver as he is snapped back into the present as he wonders what made aditi call him after all these years.........
and what was the reports she was talking about?

CHAPTER 4

meanwhile,aditi had got hold of the school documents of Kedar as she was stalking him - the reports were from the physical training class way back from the 9th standard when kedar used to be in all the athletic events possible....till he started smoking in std 10th due to peer pressure!!!thats when his perfectly flawless 'good boy' image was shattered!!!

he smiled as he lit his 17th cigarette for the day----the journey had been long and painful and with aditis phonecall outta the blues, he couldent help but wonder what life had in store for him ahead...
The word Store suddenly reminded him that his friend Jignesh who owned a convinience store had asked him to visit him....

CHAPTER 5

Jignesh, the same old classmate, who married 5 girls in 3 years...
And here he could not handle one girl who liked him Aditi - he wondered why?

Kedar realized actually aditi was the perfect mix of old and new age lady villans.. she is more 'Atyachari' than Lalita Pawar and Bindu. And better planner and executioner than 'Komolika'( Urvasshi) 'Nikaah' and 'Mandira' (Achint Kaur). Alone a combination of '5'... even Jignesh Patel can't handle 5 at a time..but..
it meant that kedar was a modern day draupad without the i as he had 5 in 1 aditi to handle....

Meanwhile aditi read the medical reports which pronounced that Kedar had AIDS and wondered why she felt grief for someone so horrible...
What Aditi didnt realise that the docs she had discovered while stalking him were just his school PT test reports and not medical reports and that his Teacher had simply proclaimed him to be suffering from AIPS (Bad handwriting made P look like D), meaning Ape-like Idiotic Philosophy Syndrome.

Braganza her friend took the docs out of Aditis hand, reading it explained to her that he has AIPS not AIDS and asked what was kedars last avatar?

CHAPTER 6

"ARNAB GOSWAMI" was all that aditi could say and a smile played on her lips as she realised what had wrenched her heart a second again was nothing but a case of illegible HANDWRITING...

She decided to contact Aamir Khan and asked him to make a movie on written expression disorder this time and name it...
but her friend ira (braganza) told her that could wait as first there was this shroud of mystery about kedar being 'arnab goswami' looming high.....

CHAPTER 7

Meanwhile Kedar the consultant went to Jignesh's 200 sq feet corner kiranan dukaan to investigate the posiibility of converting it into a mall using LEAN management philosophy....

Aditi racked her brain hard, "Who knew Kedar when he was Arnab?" and the answer "Jignesh" hit her like...well like an answer hits you!

CHAPTER 8

Kedar had reached Jignesh kiranani dukan but had to first use the Lean Mgmt philosophy of the motu Jagdish as he took most of the 200 sf. ft space - while aditi thought of meeting him too
But his mind could not focus on finding solutions as he kept on drifting into thoughts about Aditi and how his mother had forced him to dump her simply because her name sounded like the pesticide DDT

asif planned by fate, aditi reaches at the same exact moment, their eyes meeting as the song 'jab saamne tum aa jate ho' (by jagjit singh) plays in the background.....
but she was confused - how should she approach the pest - as Kedar or Arnab or is he someone else right now....

CHAPTER 9

Jignesh : "Hey wow! You two here all of a sudden? And that too together? What a pleasant surprise!"
Always hungry the "Fat Bastard" as all friends called him - Jignesh was happy to see two of his friends came to surprise him a day before his birthday

Aditi: "OK Fat Bastard! Tell me the deep dark secret about your friend. I'll give you 10 jumbo ice cream tubs. Plus a super surprise gift on your birthday!

Kedar on hearing this and recollecting his moms conversation took a can of baygon and hurled it towards aditi to keep her quiet and just then suppandi jigneshes servant walked in....
Aditi noticed that the servant walked in with a little boy behind her who looked exactly like Kedar.

'ive seen her somewhere' thought aditi as she wrecked her brain hard to recollect where she had seen the servant lady and in a moment she was taken back into the past--that 'rohypnol' night and...and....the sweeperlady at that club--the one who was called in the wee hours of the morning to clean up after the crowd cleared---SUSHILA-it was HER!!!

CHAPTER 10

She further exercised her brain "Yeh Kedar sa bachcha Kedar se aaya? Wait! Could the question be the answer too, with '?' replaced by '.' ? Horrors!"

aditi picks up the kid and fondly asks him 'beta whats ur name' to which comes the prompt reply---"SAHIL ARNAB GOSWAMI"...

*DOUBLE HORRORS!!!!*

Strange hallucinations to have at a time when she should have been saving herself from hurled can of baygon, but then perhaps leaking baygon itself caused the delusion-yes delusion it must be, because otherwise how could she imagine the male servant Suppandi (perhaps his aunt named him after the famous servant of Tikle magazine of India Book House, knowing what his future career options are) to be a female servant having a child with Kedar?
now Aditi suspicion got stronger.. in college there was rumor abt the Jignesh and Kedar realtionship.. now it is evident.. baccha Jignesh ka but looks like Kedar..
So aha, even though she could not yet shake of 'seeing' the lady servant and child-of-Jignesh-with-his-servant looking like Kedar, she knew all this was logically wrong - even if Jignesh and Kedar had a relationship, how would Jignesh's child with a woman have the genes of Kedar-after all Kedar's genes aren't like aids which could pass to the child in this manner-but anyways we know Kedar has AIPS, not AIDS- so Aditi's suspicion that she was just seeing things, not only grew stronger but also she got absolutely sure about it

but her brief momentary lapse of reason (induced by her daily dosage of 'dope' or so it seemed)was brought back as she realised that jignesh was rich enough to afford two servants----supandi (who had entered the room) and SUSHILA (who had followed suit after with the kid)

CHAPTER 11

Now that she had her sanity restored, she wondered why Suppandi looked exactly like Kedar too-were they twins????
'aunty aunty' her thoughts were interrupted by the irritating voice of the pesky kid in her arms who was now pulling at her long hoop earings causing her to yelp in pain.......

"aunty aunty, mere do do baap!" (like movie Gopi Kishan )

In her delusional state she snapped back at him

"mai kaha se du do do baap"

"Nahin nahin aunty aapse maang nahin raha. 2 2 toh saamney hi hain. Ek mujhey de do, ek aap rakhlo. Problem khatam!"

At this point Aditi remebered that she wanted to contact Aamir Khan for a movie and was sure he would do justice with this scenario and make a movie "Passing the baap"

CHAPTER 12

watching the horror creep to Aditi's face, Sushila explained:"
Madam yeh Jignesh aur Kedar ne god liya bachcha hai...dono ko ispe itna pyar aya ki dono ne ise baap ka naam dene ka socha.!!
Tab se in dono ko baap bulata hai...Bole to joint account'!!!

"Woh toh sab thik hai par uski shakal Suppandi se kyun milti hai? Aur Suppandi ki shakal Kedar se kyun milti hai? Aur Amir Khan ko Dhamal movie ke songwriters sue karenge ki usney idea 'Who's the baap baby baby!' gaaney se churaya hai toh uska kya hoga? Uff kitni saari pareshaniyan!"

Seeing this sorry state Jignesh who is always ready to sell something....told Aditi...you need Humdard ka tonic Cinkara

CHAPTER 13

"but why did sahil (the kiddo) call himself 'sahil ARNAB GOSWAMI'---shouldent he be saying 'kedar' as (one of) his fathers name instead??" asked aditi staring hard at jignesh hoping to solve the mystery of the multiple aliases kedar had been using.....

Maybe he's just not ready to let people to know this yet!!mused Aditi...Being from the orthodox family background he was...It was not usually easy to make such decisions...

In amidst their confusion Pandu Hawaldar Waghmare entered the store swinging his baton and declared to evacuate the area as a suspicious parcel is found just one store left of Jignesh's
to everybodys greatest surprise, this parcel is addressed to a 'mr arnab goswami' pandu tells them.....
"thats MINE!!" everyone turns around to find suppandi (the kedar lookalike servant)suddenly speak up like that.........

CHAPTER 14

Run everybody! The mine can explode with slightest of disturbances!
suddenly Aditi hears a Husky voice from back...a real tired voice with strange melancholy...she looked back .

She looks back and cant believe her eyes.. it was the "Bhooda Bhikshuk"!!!!
"bhooda bhikshuk" who was all over the news---the one dreaded face responsible for all the blasts going on in the last few days.......what was he doing here??????

CHAPTER 15

kedar who was suffering from AIPS when talking to someone and hour ago and reading the name on the TV - started saying I am bhooda bhikshuk - and this angered the real bhikshuk who came here to check him out
but the anger took over the pain... of being called "bhooda bhukshuk"!!! !:(


'who in hell is this ARNAB GOSWAMI guy---my spies have reported that he is trying to steal my thunder' shrieks the dangerous looking terrorist (who actually has asked the million dollar question that aditi has been dying to ask all along)
Seeing all this commotion and to make Aditi calm and bhooka not kill him, Kedar fianlly caves in - he removes his mask a la Nicholas Cage in Face Off - he really is a master at the game of multiple identity disguises, switching from 'kedar' to 'arnab goswami' to 'bhuda bhiukshuk' only to realise that in the end now, he will have to tell his story unmasked (ofcourse the mask does not 'literally' mean a 'MASK' here)..........

Aditi who was all excited to find the true identity of Kedar was dissappointed - Jignesh was petrified as to who was he talking to all this while - Sahil was What did you do to my dad? - all eyes, ears, noses and whatever on Kedar...

CHAPTER 16

and that is when kedar tells them what hapened that fateful 'rohypnol' night------as he was running away to save himself from the evil aditi, he met sushila (the sweeper lady)and that was when the 'rohypnol effect' started----delayed since it had already crossed the expiry date...
taking advantage of the situation, sushila had got herself to be the mother of his child and eventually become mrs arnab goswami (the identity which kedar had to take inorder to avoid any further arguements with his mom who he was sure would definitely not accept sushila as her DIL when she hadent accepted aditi)...
but even after marrying sushila, he could never forget aditi...and so he decided to kill himself...
he changed his identity to 'boodha bhikshuk' the dangerous terrorist only because he knew he would be eventually tracked down and killed....he became a chain smoker only in the hope that he would die of lung cancer someday....
but lady luck was on his side---very typical of her to be pleased at those who are striving to anger her and vice versa!
and so as lady luck would have it, he survived...his change of identity to 'boodha bhikshuk' just created publicity...so he stopped stepping out of the house....

but soon he realised what an impulsive decision he had taken, and he became desperate to save his life....he wanted to run away...to leave everything behind....to live!! so he further went and bribed jignesh kirnani's servant to get a plastic surgery done in the hope that had the police to track him down, they wud be confused.....besides sushila needed their son to know how his father looked like and supandi who was her former love agreed to undergo this risky surgery just for her sake....
meanwhile sahil was only too confused by all he had seen from birth and the doctors had declared that he would grow up to be a very confused individual since the brain had gotten adapted to the confusion right from sucha tender age.....
aditi who still hallucinated (partly due to 'dope' and partly due to the effect of the 'baygon can' hit by kedars mom) still believed that kedar aka arnab aka bhikshuk was a good person at heart and someday would propose to her with the same baygon can in hand......
as for 'jignesh' no one could explain why he could never settle down for good with a woman...was it that he couldent trust anyone after hearing what 'scheming sushila' had tricked his friend into?? was it fear of commitment? or did it yet again have something to do with......kedar...and lurrrveee....??

in short 'LOVE' had screwed up all their lives....

and right at that moment of realisation, the ticking of the parcel (which pandu hawaldar had delivered) suddenly stopped asif to say that the wait was over and the mystery was solved...and there was a loud BLAST!!

jignesh kirnanis 200 sq feet LEAN management mall aspiration was reduced to nothing but a pile of ashes.......
kedar, aditi, supandi, sushila, sahil, budha bhikshuk and jignesh kirnani were never heard of ever again..........

but 'LOVE'----the only survivor of the explosion still continues to screw up everyones life whereever it goes....



THE END!! :)

6 comments:

Stupidosaur said...

Ah well, thats the characteristics of ethical humans. They let only their LOVE screw them.

ceedy said...

Am I allowed a copy of this as a participant :P

Are you trying to be Manoj Kumar - why such a tragic ending :P

Pri said...

@ stupidosaur
D'UH!! :-/

@ ceedy
ohh yes ofcourse,autographed by all those who contributed (which'll itsself make a whole new chapter) :D

and yess, im highly inspired by him..infact have even started taking my pics his ishtyle ;)
(u know the 'hand on the face' funda)
ive noticed they look much better :-/

adi said...

haha loved the way u tried to sort out everyrubbish comment at the end ;)

Stupidosaur said...

[@ stupidosaur
D'UH!! :-/]

//but 'LOVE'----the only survivor of the explosion still continues to screw up everyones life whereever it goes....


I was just attemptimg a bad joke based on the ending.

Certain activities like screwing are reserved by supposedly monogamous humans for their LOVE (aka 'true love')only. Only their LOVE is allowed to screw them.


Mahbe D'UH was cos you did not get it. Maybe the :-/ was cos you got it but didn't quite appreciate it, which was understandable given its bad taste

rantravereflect/ jane said...

:) its like a combination of 'jaane tu ya jaane ne' and mumbai meri jaan :D
geeeee
good fusion babes :D