I wont be around for a while....am leaving the country to an undisclosed location...phew!! (because im afraid that the 'hitmen' employed by veens to track me down, might just start taking their job too seriously...for those of you who arnt aware of what im talking, read here and especially here)

il'l be in india though only for the next 48 hours,changing disguises!!
will resume blogging and catch up with all u guys when i get back...
till then wont be having access to anything---neither net nor cellphone...

hope its good enough there to keep me away from missing u all (though im sure nothing can ever be good enough for that...would miss blogsville anyways)
will be back soon...miss me lots!! :)

take care!

a million questions and an eerie silence...

a million questions lie in my head,
which only you can answer...
one moment u seem infront of me,
and the next moment u are gone!
i continue to stare in blank space,
without a single assurance from your side...

there is this small flickering hope alive,
which burns me everytime i hold it near...
scalded hands is all i get,
but some wounds i hold too dear...
a million questions lie in my head,
which only u can answer...

when ur around i feel happy,
when ur not, i wait...
hoping im just not aware of your presence,
i continue to delude myself...
those times when reality sinks in,
i realise maybe uve never been around...
what if it is but a misinterpretation,
just a mirage i was tempted to believe...
in realisation i shed silent tears,
ive been the fool again...
a million questions lie in my head,
which only you can answer...

i drive away all the questions,
into an empty box up there...
locked with a promise never to open again,
but catch up with me, those questions always seem,
as i stand near the box unaware...

seeping through the narrow creaks,
they encircle to tie me around...
helpless i try to let myself loose,
but the more i try, the more im bound...
and then a voice from the box asks me,
"do u really wanna let go?"
and i stand wideeyed without an answer,
because perhaps the answer to that is 'no'...
a million questions lie in my head,
which only u can answer...

you are the gust of wind that can never stay,
no matter how much i want...
you are the twinkle of the bright lit star,
and ul'l dissapear when its dawn...
i can never be sure its you again,
ur the mysterious phantom with a mask...
to say what i feel i sometimes fear,
because shunned u may just dissapear...
a million questions lie in my head,
which only u can answer...

i cant figure what ur afraid of,
u leave me doubting myself...
is my heart playing tricks again?
letting me believe what i want to?

but there is a strange solace within my soul,
that the gust of air is you...
that the twinkle of the star is you...
that the phantom in the mask in you...
but a deep remorse lies somewhere too,
why cant the gust of wind blow me away?
why cant the twinkle of the star light up my day?
why cant the phantom in the mask give me a cue?
why cant this friendly stranger just tell me its 'you'?
a million questions lie in my head,
which only you can answer...

...

sometimes i think im still living in a bubble...and im scared that one day its going to burst as all bubbles do and that day my whole universe will come crashing down--in the worst possible way!!

the 'decent' proposal...

how did u/would u propose to the one u love?? :)

some recent updates!!

---got about going for my monthly trip to the bookstore a lil later than usual this time...but did manage to catch hold of 'the 3 mistakes of my life' by chetan bhagat (on the third day of its release) and 'unaccustomed earth' by jhumpa lahiri...
while i havent yet finished on 'shantaram', i couldent resist starting on 'the 3 mistakes of my life' simply because its a small book...
somehow i find chetan bhagats books kinda fake...esp the way he introduces the story(i had a similar impression about 'ONATCC' when i'd read it)

yet i bought this one because there was a big hype about it and also because his books are light reads which i can finish fast...

hmpf!! all i can say is buying this book was 'the second mistake of my life' (buying 'ONATCC' being the first)..should have borrowed them from the library instead :-/
but i console myself with the belief that has been inbuilt in me since my childhood days (all thanks to mom and dad)--that buying 'books' can NEVER be a waste!
Anyways i finished this one in one night flat (one of the reasons for this was i was in mumbai at that time and had no internet around and while the 'night life' in mumbai was rocking away to glory with blaring music and flashy lights, i chose to curl up snug in my bed with chetan bhagats new book!
ohh the other reason being amidst all the chiches, i enjoyed the book in parts...typical bollywood masala kinda book..guess CB has a film in mind this time around too...ul'l do know ONATCC is going to be made into a movie dont ul'l?? yep with our very own sallu bhai and plastic katrina in the star cast along with some others...sigh!)

havent started with 'unaccustomed earth' and i wont be able to start on it till my next trip to mumbai as i forgot to get it back here with me...i only hope i havent lost it on the way though :((


---i went for this marathi natak (play) named 'zavai mhaza bhala' on sunday and must say i really enjoyed it...vikram gokhale was awesome (as usual) but the star who hogged the limelight was the young artist 'advait dadarkar' playing 'chinya'(short for chinmay in the play
though the play reminded me of 'the father of the bride' at many points, yet must say it was very well scripted and it was fun to see almost the entire older generation in the audience (including my mom and dad) nod in agreement to all the emotions potrayed by vikram gokhale :)
go and catch it..especially with your parents, if possible...


---have taken up a challenge with a stupid blogger friend (its 'veens' if u havent guessed by now...heehee..yea yea..im getting back..because she called me 'stupid' too..hmpf!!) of losing 3kgs before the first of june :p
yes right!!--we working towards 'size 0'...so save ur breath and dont try to be sarcastic in ur comments...hmpf!! :-/
ohh motivation is always welcome...there is always room for that :D

mom is not too happy about the weight thing because she thinks there are chances that i may go paranoid about it...heehee
someone told her about 'anorexia nervosa' once and since then she has been looking with suspicion at everyone who wants to lose weight...
yeah, she is very happy that ive resorted to healthy food and have once again cut down on eat outs and junk food...
but at the same time,she's aware of what an 'extremist' i can be and that kinda worries her :p
she has already started with her '3kgs in 15 days is not healthy at all' sermons *rolling eyes*
and to make matters worse, she just read in the news today that john abraham fainted on the sets because of his strenous diet regime....
i mean, gimme a break ma! he is trying to lose SIXTEEN kgs in 2 months...im stopping at 3 in 15 days! :-/

parents i tell u!! when u want to do something they stop u...when ur not doing anything, they complain...phew! ive given up on understanding their species...really! :-/


---im planning to put a hold on 'in a nutshell' from now on...atleast for some time...

for one, its already taking a backseat as compared to 'nostalgic moments' and 'raindrops and roses'...
secondly,ive decided there are days i dont want my entire life in print simply because there is too much happening and not everything is worth going through all over again *rolling eyes*
thirdly, i dunno...maybe the enthusiasm (like they say) is just fading out...


---ok one other thing i would like to tell everyone (and by that i mean those few on my gtalk list) is that-"just because i appear online on gtalk all the time, DOES NOT mean im around...so please dont assume misunderstand"
ive had enough problems regarding this over the last few days which unfortulately have still not sorted out...
so please get this clear---i wont dont ignore my friends...period!!

ohh and just incase u cant read the message printed on the first page of my personal diary, let me write it here for you---it makes a lot of sense...

"life is a book and you are its author.Believing in your own intuition and instincts is key.
Asking yourself new and empowering questions and writing your thoughts and observations will aloow you the freedom to take both small steps and great strides.
there is not one name for happiness, contentment or caring.
Let the words that u write here serve as your own key to life"

and that is exactly why i blog... :)

thats enough for now...over and out!!

me---just a figment of your imagination!! :)

this scribble is dedicated to all my blog readers...especially to 'meltingstone' who presently is really bugged at me because he thinks im addicted to the status of an 'enigma'! :)

sometimes i speak volumes but u understand nothing....
sometimes i speak nothing and yet u try...
u attempt to gauge me, to know me better each day...
sometimes u end up confusing urself about me...
there are times u take for granted that u know me too well...
but sometimes u just dont care to understand...
frustrated, u call me an enigma and i smile!

i speak so much but yet it isnt clear...
there is a fact in every fantasy i write...
and a fantasy in every fact...
the thin line between the two u try to see,
but burning eyes and a distorted picture is all u get...
u see a part of me in the broken hearted lass...
u see a lil of me in the juvenile rebel...
sometimes i appear to be all sorted out...
sometimes u think there could be no bigger mess...
u see a lil of me everywhere...
and still i leave u doubting--is it me or just ur imagination?
frustrated, u call me an enigma and i smile!

at times i dont answer ur questions...
sometimes i reply too vague...
confusing u at every step-i play a silent game...
u see me in the patient lover...
u see me in the broken addict...
u see the bubbly enthusiast in me...
u see the stubborn kid too...
at times u see the mature all knowing agony-aunt...
sometimes u think im a dreamer...
at other times, u wonder if i've given up on it...
each day u confuse urself a lil more,
as i leave a part of me behind in every work of mine...
not knowing what to believe,u try to understand...
frustrated, u call me an enigma and i smile!

am i me or just a part of you?
this is a game which has no rules...
i am but just a vision and i keep changing...
u are the constant on which i depend...
do i exist or is it just ur imagination??
am i really me or just what u think of me?
frustrated, u call me an enigma and i smile!

the game will end someday when i grow tired...
the game will stop someday when u leave...
till then ul'l see me in every word of mine...
ul'l be skeptical of every line...
and i leave it to u to paint a picture of me...
u know that i am but an incomplete puzzle,
and yet u try to find the missing pieces...
those pieces which perhaps will never be found...
u stare at the voids in the picture,
hoping ul'l complete it some day...
frustrated, u call me an enigma and i smile!

UPDATED---thanks to 'scribbler' for this wonderful song...it speaks a lot for me :) (if i havent said enough already!)

and this is my sweet story...!!

one moment is all it takes me to succumb to 'this' temptation...
i like to think of myself as a strongheaded person but sigh! when it comes to sweets....dont even ask...i just cant keep away from pastries, cakes, chocolates, icecream, cookies---anything edibly sweet...u name it and il'l eat it!!

my eyes glittered as i saw the fruit cake sitting inside the fridge, all sprinkled with nuts and cream....
and today,nobody was around at home too...i had the house (and most importantly, the cake) all to myself...*evil laugh*
just one bite wouldn't do much harm would it?
somehow my mom had forgotten to hide it from me (yea she does that when there is anything even remotely high-in-sugar *james bond music in the background*) and saved me a whole lotta trouble of hunting for the fridge keys...
yeah yeah! she does that...evil--my ma! :-/
she likes to deprive a cute lil kid of the pleasures of pampering her cute lil sweettooth...hmpf!
dont look at me like that all curious et al...yes I am the 'cute lil kid'! is it so tough to guess that?? :-/

ok after convincing myself that i WONT give in, around in my head hundred times and over, i still couldn't stop the hand to fridge-handle coordination and i was suddenly driven by a strong force much too strong for any human to stop, into opening the fridge door just to have a small lil peep....
the fridge door opened and i couldn't help but get my eyes off it...it was the cutest most adorable thing i'd seen since the past two weeks--my fruitcake! sigh!
i believe in 'love at first sight'...yus yus i do!!
thats when the voice in my head suddenly transformed into the call of temptation...and it dint take me even a moment to be drawn towards it...
my mom wouldent get back for atleast the next 45 minutes and that was more than enough for me to carve out a small lil teeny weeny insignificant chunk out of that huge tempting monster sitting there...she wouldent even notice i thought...
and thats where i went wrong---the first mistake!

i carved out a small 6x6x5cm piece and indulged....ummmm it was lovely!!
all thought processes were blocked as i again, almost impulsively carved another small piece from the other end (so that noone wud notice...)

ok here i should let u have a lil peek in my past...urs truly has learnt all the tactics of the trade of 'eating the most cake by making it seem like uve had nothing at all'...thankyou thankyou!! *takes a bow*

u would too if u had practiced enough from ur kiddo days! (im being modest here...praise me please!)
whee!! what fun it was then to see moms horrified expression when she reached the other end of the opened-and-carefully-sealed-again cakes..heehee...it was the exact 'who stole the cookie from the cookie jar' look and ofcourse me was the first to say "NOT ME!", sometimes even before she asked 'IS IT YOU?' :-/

Sigh! i always sucked at fibbing...she used to see straight thru my lies and always know it was me...but by that time, it was always wayy too late..it was already in my tummy....
i never bothered much why mom used to always hug me when i did that,even though i always expected otherwise...so then,there came a point when it wasent fun anymore!:-/

then i grew up but my 'sweet tooth' never did...it kept insisting and craving...u know the case of the 'forbidden fruit' dont u??
so even today,while i find it extremely easy to say 'NO' to anything under the sun,yet i find it utterly difficult to say 'no' when someone offers me a sweet....
anything from a stupid lil toffee to a chocolatewalnut pastry (wch happens to be my fav) to a blackforest cake...sigh! (im salivating already)..birthdays esp mine are added bonus wherein i can actually emotionally blackmail (especially my mom) into pampering my sweet tooth...i go a bit overboard sometimes with the emotions (anything just to get an extra helping and the hug)...
"i wonder if il'l be there to share my next birthday cake with u guys" always seems to work with family and friends...heehee

ok so enough of digressing!so where was i...??
ahh i was at the cake which went on dissapearing bit by bit..chunk by chunk...until i had had almost half of it...thats when i realised what i had done...
realisation--another mistake!

by the time mom got home, my face was red with guilt written all over it...
one look at me and she went straight for the fridge...
my memory just blanks out when she starts yelling..so i cant remember clearly what happened after that...its all a blur which ive learnt to ignore! (thankyou! i know i can be pretty shameless at times)
but i remember noticing the roof of my house come down a lil and me was afraid it would crash in...:-/
the next thing i know is she giving me the 'glucometer' in hand and none of my 'sad' faces and 'emotional blackmail' worked this time...
my pancreas betrayed me again--idiotically high blood sugar levels!
it always has...never secreting the right amount of insulin...
one betrayal i gotta live with forever...
or maybe until the day i go in denial after flinging that 'glucometer' out of the window...
one impulsive moment of succumbing to temptation and several 'shots' to make up for it--the luck of a juvenile diabetic!

life is sucha 'prick' i tellya! :-/

PROMPT: have combined two prompts 'betrayal' and 'impulse' taken from writersisland

the chapter called 'you'!!

an empty feeling in me resides...
a hollowness i feel inside...
some silent regrets cut me deep,
and all i have are those memories to keep...

a sprained neck from sitting up all night,
remembering you and all our silly fights...
my young heart was made of glass they grumble,
just one scratch was enough for it to crumble...

i wish we could relive it all again,
sans all the hurt all the pain...
maybe i would change a thing or two...
just maybe u'd realise how much i love you...

wish i could be there by ur side...
wish i could be there to ease the pain...
wish i could sleep in your arms...
wish we could hug in the rain...

all this love, i feel for you,
but i know ur just too far away...
and here i am, with tear stained eyes,
just trying to live by each coming day...

so many things have been left unsaid...
so many feelings lie unread...
but u told me u dint have anything to say,
the day i asked if i should stay away...

and ive just been waiting,from on then...
i know i shouldent, to hope would be wrong...
i pray u stay happy even it means u forget me,
because memories can be painful if stay for too long.

mine is an alleged average existence,
but without you, futile it all seems...
the chapter never closes, the book never ends,
as u continue to haunt me in my dreams!!

PROMPT: neck, average, scratch from 3ww

:)

"If one inspired innocent loving soaring dreamer believes in a universe of joy and light and perfect being, and if she's wrong and dies, its not the dreamer who's been foolish, but the universe..."

ahhh someone sides with me afterall...!!

popcorn with bhoothnath and pri!!

AB (senior) rocks once again in his latest venture 'bhoothnath'...
I dint have too many viewer expectations to this movie and half heartedly tagged along to the movie hall once again without reading any reviews...
yeah i know...some guts after the recent disaster 'tashan'! :-/
anyways u ought to know by now that urs truly loves to take risks...and besides this one starred my fav 'daddy long legs' BIG B...
so that was enough to get me going!

but much to my pleasant surprise,'bhoothnath' is a wellmade mix of emotions and humour...wch is a big relief after 'tashan' (wch u must have noticed i dint even dare to mention on here because i was too afraid to live the puke-inducing experience again)

'bhoothnath' is about 7 year old 'banku' and his friendship with the ghost of 'kailashnath' , who once owned the house he is living in with his mom....
'bhoothnath' (as addressed by banku) is ultrapossesive about his house and has been guarding it for years and scaring away whoever tries to inhabit it...
juhi chawla has played the role of a modern day mother who dosent believe in the 'spare the rod and spoil the child' philosophy and yet somehow 'banku' turns out quite adorably alright...
the story starts off with a funny and enjoyable relationship banku shares with bhoothnath and leaves everyone laughing at their childish pranks....
'satish shah' and 'rajpal yadav' have done good justice to their roles and lived upto their status as comic actors...
u cant help but grin at AB as he gets all psyched out when banku tells him that he cant be a ghost because his mother told him that ghosts dont exist...

just when u think that the director 'vivek sharma' has made this movie keeping only the kiddo audience in mind, u are introduced to a heart wrenching flashback which brings out the magic of 'baghban' alive...
there are certain scenes which no matter what cant stop ur lacrymal glands from going hyperactive...and yes please make sure u carry tissues along...
nobody warned me and i had to use my 'popcorn salty' hands to wipe off huge teardrops flowing down my cheek :-/ (my eyes were burning by the time i reached home..sigh!blame it on the popcorn!)

the movie also speaks about friendship which is a bond which can be between ppl of any age and how certain people enter our lives as 'angels' just to teach us somethings about it...some lessons we ought to remember throughout...even when these 'angels' are not around to remind us...because even though it might seem that they leave us someday, they are going to be there with us forever...connected---heart to heart! :)

the music by vishal shekhar though, is not all that catchy..but guess nobody expects songs from 'bhoothnath' to be hummed for generations to come...so all in all they are sequential and the lyrics are pretty nice :)
couldent help wishing SRK to have been given a slightly longer role though...sigh!
except for a coupla flaws,the movie is well done and leaves u with a misty eyed smile when u leave the hall!

my personal rating: 7.5/10

special applause: to AB for being able to express emotions without even using a single word in some scenes...made me realise how great an actor he is...
the dialogue writer should be given special credit too as there are certain lines which just pull at ur heart strings and refuse to let go...

my opinion: go watch it guys!!

astro speaks for Rs 3.00...BLAH!!

"kaisi hogi aapki shadi---marzi hogi aapki ya aapke gharwalo ki.To know type Karen Pyar DOB & send to 53131.rs3-SMS."

now this sms was enough to brighten up urs truly's monotonous day...after showing off the sms to her friends for a whole 5 mins and making a huge joke out of it--saying that i dont really believe in such stuff yada yada yada, i quickly went aside making an excuse for coffee and typed 'KAREN PYAR DOB' with DOB as my birthdate(now u rnt allowed to laugh at me just because im being honest with u..hmpf!)

within exactly 5 seconds (yes when im nervous i count time..wat-e-ver! :-/), i got a msg saying...
you have typed wrong keyword! to know what marriage will you have-love marriage or arrange marriage, TYPE PYAR DDMMYYYY e.g......--RS3-sms

ARGGGGHHHHH!! thats when i noticed their english or rather hinglish...to think i was actually wondering who this 'karen' could be...hmpf!!
i mean hell! why cant they be more specific...how am i supposed to know that 'karen' is a hindi word those assholes used in an english sentence??(they meant 'karein')..*rolling eyes*
bet u dint realise that too while reading the msg..did u??.TYPE Karen Pyar my LEFT foot!!
3 rs gone..what a waste!!

anyways i wasent going to give up so easily...so this time i reread the text msg and typed with caution taking care that im typing no extra alphabet or word or punctuation mark or whatever! :-/

so that means i typed 'PYAR DDMMYYYY' with my birthdate details instead of the latter ofcourse!
again i wait...5 seconds...
10 seconds...
15 seconds...
nothing!!
now im almost convinced that these guys think that im not destined to get married ever atleast in this life and probably are making up nice ways to break the news to me..sigh!

just then tringgggg! (yeah thats my msg beep..i know its funny...who asked u anyways? :-/)

i hurriedly opened up my inbox like an enthusiastic kid at the candy store, keeping one eye on my friends who'd begun to get suspicious as to what i was upto...

you have 95% chance of love marriage..type partner DOB to know who will be your ideal life partner. TYPE MAKE to make ur arranged marriage in love

WHATTT THE **@@3####@#*@&^@ (stop counting the characters there..ul NEVER guess the swear word!:-/)

u mean these guys actually tell me in percentage and stuff...now how cool was that??
and to top that,they even tell me how to make my 5% 'to-be-arranged-marriage' turn into a love marriage....
whoaa now i wonder whats going to happen?
do they mean that typing 'type make' will give me some chant which'll supposedly 'make' my ex's current girlfriend allergic to him and perhaps then would 'make' him come back to me...or is it something like its gonna 'make' me fall in love with the first prospective bridegroom thats gonna be brought my way?? *rolling eyes*

and WAIT A FRIGGIN MINUTE!! did they just say 'type PARTNER DOB to know who ur ideal partner is'????????
hmmmmmmmmmmm!
so urs truly was all tempted now...because 1)she has stopped believing in the concept of 'ideal partner'
2) she almost choked when they said 'YOUR ideal partner'...har har!!
u mean MY ideal partner??? now thats funny!!*rolling eyes*
(ok for people who dont know me that well, im kinda soo over this phase of knights and shining armours and horses et al...so its definitely going to take more than a stupid sms to get me to believe in the tooth fairy, easter bunny, santa clause..cupid...ideal partners etc etc)

ok now u might think why is she sending those sms's to those dumb 'astro'services then...well the only answer to that would be--thats my idea of fun! i like to waste 3 rupees once in a while...u got a problem with that? :-/

ok so as i was saying, urs truly was tempted and in one weak stupid moment, it HAPPENED!
the damned sms had gone thru...yes the same sms which said 'PARTNER DOB'
the sms wch was destined to rule my fate...my lurrrveeee!
the sms which was supposed to tell me about my mr right!
*drumrolls in the background*

now my friends started getting annoyed and swore they were leaving if i dont get back to them that very instant...i had sensed a tone of suspicion in their 'priii...who are u texting' every time they heard my cell screeching(but i was sure the lazy asses that they are will never move an inch to find out and i was like 3 feet away near the coffee counter, engaged in my new activity)

tringgggg!
yesss i had got it...my ideal partner...now i only had to go and hunt him down...i said a silent prayer hoping there would be enough fuel in my spaceship for the hunt...and i pressed select on the 'inbox' option...
it was from 53131!!!

i was overjoyed!!
they were going to disclose to me the one secret that i thought never really existed---MY IDEAL PARTNER!

i was exuberant...there MUST be something called 'love' and 'ideal partners' afterall...how else would these 53131 guys sound soo confident otherwise?

i hurriedly selected the 'open msg' option...and this is what it read...
your partner name starts from C,G,I,S...
to know ur partners personality type PARTNER 1st letter of the name.e.g PARTNER A and send it to 53131..charges RS 3-SMS

@##$%#@$%%#%%^%^#$%$%%^^!!!!
to hell with them!! i'd rather setlle with the unpredictability that life brings instead of wasting all this money in texting these astro guys even if their predictions did come true...hmpf! :-/

and then again,'what is thy name' would make a wonderful opening line when my knight in shining armour sweeps me off my feet onto his horse with cupid playing 'darling u look wonderful tonight' on his violin as we ride towards the setting sun...*all dreamy eyed*


uhoh...just by the way, did i tell u that i was really over all this?? *raises an eyebrow*

sigh! guess we dreamers never learn...no? ;)

love---a universal feeling!!

25th sept 2082---sound signals detected and interpreted as received from the planet pluto

voice signal 1: "maybe this is what they call 'love'?"

voice signal 2: "WTH!! u should have been cautious...i had warned u against it..."

voice signal 1: "i know..i know.but i dunno how..i never got a chance to understand...it was sucha short holiday..but now i know, im going back there...just for her!"

voice signal 2: "u cant...she isnt even green...she wont fit in here...
eyuckk!!for milky-ways sake, shes human!"

voice signal 1 (in a strange sing-songish preachy manner): "i dont care...im in lurrrrveeee..and it knows no caste..no creed...no age..no COLOUR"

voice signal 2: "damnnn these humans!! i should have never allowed u that earth trip anyways"

signals disturbed by strange metallic noises which resembled hitting of some object (suspected--alien head) against the wall...

PROMPT words from 3ww -- 'human' , 'maybe' and 'cautious'

this piece is inspired by a random thought which crossed the idle mind today--that perhaps the best guys are found only on 'pluto'..sigh!
no offence martians! ;)

family!!

"YES or NO, mom??"

"beta, try to understand...both papa and me love u very..." she was almost in tears now...

"ma, YES or NO?"

there is silence on the other end...

"thanks mom, i got my answer"

Megha slams the receiver and goes to her room...'how could she hide it from me for 19 years?' was the only question going on and on in her mind like a broken record..she couldent think...she couldent cry...she just stared into blank space...the blank space of her room...

"My room?? how can it be mine? nothing is mine...nothing belongs to me ...and i dont belong here" she thought...
her head ached asif something was about to explode inside...like some tumour which was growing inside her calvarium for the past 19 years and had just turned malignant...

She looked at the huge collection of cards carefully preserved by her mom since her 1st birthday...each one with a small heart at the bottom signing space which said 'lotsa love, mom and dad' from the time she couldent even read them...tomorrow was the day she would get her 19th card...
just some days back, she was all excited about it...more than her birthday celebrations, it was these cards she used to look forward too...how she loved to boast about her collection to her friends...
she saw the 5 foot teddy in her room and a tear rolled down her cheek...how much she had insisted on buying it...
she smiled as she remembered the tantrum she had thrown for the big blond doll with ribboned hair and lace dress et al...
she saw her first badminton raquet her dad had gifted her and it reminded her of all those holidays when he had given up his golf programes just to practice with her....
she was the state champ only because of him...and every vacation she would keep getting better...
"my lil girl is the bestest"
"no my daddy is" she would croon hugging him after a match...and both would laugh...

and today it all seemed so wrong...why did she have to throw those tantrums...why did they have to give her those gifts..those cards...why would a stranger mean soo much to them??
thats what they were---strangers...not connected by fate but by some random choice they had decided to make in an adoption centre on that fateful day wch had always been celebrated as her birthday ever since...

she remembered all those times she had rebelled against them because she felt they always loved her a little less--that had been her way of emotionally blackmailing them into getting her whatever she wanted...
but today...today, she wished they hadent showered her with so much affection...atleast then she wouldent feel what she was feeling right now---GUILTY!!

all feelings of love, compassion, affection, attachment took a backseat as it was replaced by the demon called 'guilt'...
it was constantly haunting her...
'how can they love me soo much when im not their daughter?' she sobbed into her pillow...
she wanted to run away...go somewhere..anywhere...away from this place she had called 'home' for the past 19 years...

all thought processes stood still as she dialed rohans number...
rohan and megha were childhood sweethearts...he was someone who always understood her no matter what...
he would definitely understand this time around too...
she fought her tears as she poured out the entire story to him...

"rohan, i want to go away from here...how can i ever live it down...19 years of sucha huge FAVOUR??...thats what is it...thats what it always has been...a favour" she sobbed...
"do u love me megha?"
"ofcourse i do...what kinda question is that?"
"im not related to you am i? so does that mean u are doing me a favour?"

there was silence!

it was asif the cold breeze outside had suddenly hit her on the face as she realised in an instance what rohan was trying to say...

she hung up and thought over it...
its true that blood is thicker than water...but sometimes its okay to bend this universal rule of blood relations when it comes to people who mean much much more than that...and it dint take megha a lotta time to realise that...
it was asif her silly heart was all waiting for someone to convince her that, what it was feeling right now was stupid against the feelings it had harboured for all these years...
that, love can never be a 'favour'...
that, we arnt blessed with the fortune of choosing our family, but there are people out there who are destined to be ours...just that they meet us a lil too late...but they are still ours neverthless and nothing can change that...not fate...not luck...not birthdestiny...

megha smiled as she realised that she might not be connected by blood with her parents..but they were bound by a much stronger connection---love!
and love knows no boundaries...

she picks up the receiver and dials her moms number...she would be returning shortly but megha cant wait...and the number of calls wch went unanswered on her cell only show how worried her mom must have been...
a heavy voice answers the phone at the second ring...she knows her mom has been crying...
"beta, we always..." her voice trails off as megha cuts in...
"mommmm im hungryy..where are u?and i hope u remember u are supposed to pick up my new dress...and ahem!rnt u supposed to be doing some last minute shopping too..for someones birthday?"
and her mother cant help but smile...her silly daughter has grown up...and has learnt to hide her emotions...
"i love u baby"
"i love you too mom" megha smiles...

and from that day onwards,life goes back to where it was...to where it should have been...exactly like how it was all those '19years minus that 1 day'----one happy family!


PROMPT: 'family' from sundayscribblings

a reminder for the glut!! :(

got chinese 'take away' for dinner...ate too much of 'mushroom manchurian' and i think im going to puke now!! :-/

thats it! im off mushrooms atleast for a long long time to come...

baby zara tag me, tag me , tag me!! ;)

well i really have no idea what this tag is all about...
nor do i have any idea who first started it...sigh!

anyways keeping to the rules, here goes...
i am tagged by ceedy and here is how it should be carried out...psst!! dont ask me to explain pleease..i have to admit i cant because i dunno myself :(

tag 10 person in one post but still there is no actual limit (you can tag more if you want!).

Once tagged, you have to copy paste the link in this post, and make them grow!Do not delete any of the links and be honest to yourself!copy paste the link in this post, and make them grow!

so here it is...

BennyLiew,RamblingMoo, mum and kids in wonderland, Judelittle, our mini blogsphere, rooms in my heart, http://janiceng.blogspot.com/,
ChinNee, Jo-N, LadyJava's lounge, strange but true, mariuca's perfume gallery, meet uncle j-uncle j, Farah, aNgRiAniWoRLd, Hows Life About , The Three Hero's, Ceedy, Pri, You Next

i tag:
blogboy, rambler, sid, roshan, Mez, chandni, sutta, LaVidaLoca, Sush, Sam

sorry guys..had to pass it on...was kinda afraid this might be just one of those chain forwards wch if not passed would bring u bad luck in breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next 15 years!! :-/


ok now if u arnt dead out of sheer boredom already, let me try a lil more ;)
here is another tag i got tagged with by chandni...
according to this, i have to allow u guys a peep into my handbag (right now unprepared)...sigh!!

okk now please dont blame me if there is any explosive in here because i myself havent emptied my handbag in ages...*embarassed*

ok so lets see what we've got in here...

--->a small note pad
--->2 ball point pens (black and blue)
--->my 'dental appointment' card...(recent achievement)
--->4 toffee wrappers (blue, yellow, dark pink, transparent)
--->one 'eclair' chocolate wch'll dissapear in the next 1 minute...heehee
--->a small water bottle
--->a pocket size mirror and comb
--->my cell phone
--->cash and 'change'
--->lipgloss
--->facewash
--->half a pack of face freshners and one pack of tissues
--->a small scrap of paper with something scribbled on it (hopefully nothing important because i cant seem to read it now :-/)
--->2 passport sized photographs
--->a glue stick
--->my 'glares' with cover
--->a dominos discount coupon all crumpled and rolled into a ball (would they let me still use this?? *wondering*)
--->a recently used 'mumbai to goa' airticket
--->a phone book with some important numbers which i cant trust my cell with (considering that my contact list has self-erased itsself twice before...dont look at me like that..i dunno why these things keep happening only with me..hmpf!!)
--->a book exhibition pass i had been to a week back...
--->house keys and my room keys
--->'INOX' movie ticketstubs of the recent 'u me aur hum'
--->ewwww! i just found a piece of paper with chewed gum in it...believe me! i dont normally do this...im sure there was no dustbin around!! :-/

thats about it!now u know why my handbag almost always looks like its going to explode any minute?
i cant believe i let u guys have soo many details...sigh!!
makes me feel my life is like an open book...(that it has nothing interesting written on it is another story...but STILL!!)

some loser i am...no?? :-/

ok so let me tag some others to share the title...*muhahahaha*
-mads
-mez
-lena
-veens
-all the remaining lady bloggers around here