THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE :)

THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE :)
CLICK ON ABOVE IMAGE TO ORDER YOUR COPY OF THE NOVEL

January 31, 2009

reality----best from a distance!!

There is a painting on a distant wall...we stare at it long enough and then wonder what details the artist has tried to capture in it...
we go closer to appreciate those details..closer...more closer...

and then there comes a point where everything appears a blur..
but dreamers like me who are too intrigued ignore the haze and keep going closer trying to build up the clarity believing what we perhaps want to believe....
thats when we start seeing a pattern in the blur...a pattern so beautiful that even the artist cannot have had imagined...a pattern which probably is not even meant to exist...

dazzled by our own imagination, we continue staring at it...appreciating its beauty more with our heart than with our eyes...until..
someone standing at a distance comes up to us and sniggers...
we get angry, irritated...how dare he ridicule us---he who is too blind to see this beautiful pattern!!
it is only when we are held by the hand and taken back to where we once stood, that we understand the truth of the situation...

viewing the picture from a distance always helps see a clearer image...the picture as it actually is...and then we realise that perhaps the painting isnt as rosy afterall....
.
...
.......
..........
...........
...............
..................
......................

probably it never was!!

January 25, 2009

and you wonder---which actually hurt more...

sometimes you are stuck on one of life's busy roads and all you want to do is stand there and look back...it might just be a highway buzzing with activity and there is a risk of being run down...but times like these, nothing really matters...an eerie silence is all you hear....

your enemy has stabbed you in the back because he did not have the guts to face you...
your friend has punched you in the face because he had every right and reason to...

the scar on your back reminds you of the betrayal u have faced...
but the memory of that punch brings back to you moments of a lost friendship...

both have caused immense pain...the knife might have left behind an ugly mark....the punch has'nt...but in the journey of life, you will remember the punch a lot more often than the stab mainly because it strangely has only fond memories coming back with it...

its true, you might never forget your enemies but your heart constantly searches for that one friend you lost along the way....hoping that someday he might just turn up and ask you to come back...

and then you realise the stab has left a scar but you dont feel the pain anymore...

but the punch, though silent and clean has left you with a terrible phantom pain, amputated for life!!

you are stuck on life's busy highway and all you can do is wish, wait and smile through the pain...

January 23, 2009

IODEX---for toothache??

Today, the maid who works at my house enlightened me of a marvel which really ought to be updated in medical journals...it could put all our pharmacology studies and drug-surveys to shame..seriously! *rolling eyes*

this one-piece unique specimen asks me for IODEX as she is having a bad toothache...yess TOOTHACHE!! seeing my surprised open-mouthed expression she tells me---"aap doctor log kuch nahi jaante...badi badi dawaiyon se kuch nahi hota...iodex hi kaam aata hain" ("u doctors dont know anything...medicines dont have any effect..only IODEX works")
before i could even open my mouth to say something, she took a blob of IODEX on her index finger and put it in her mouth rubbing it on the 'tooth in question' [for those who are not aware, this wonder-medicine IODEX is a topical pain-relief balm which is used for joint pain/sprains and under no circumstances known to mankind (until now that is) has claimed to offer relief for toothache/nerve root pain/internal injury etc..sigh!]

she further surprised me by refusing the analgesic i prescribed and said that she and her entire extended family have always been using IODEX and somehow it has never let them down...sure everytime this happened, the tooth ultimately had to be extracted but that ofcourse was destined to happen...atleast IODEX had postponed the suffering..hmpf!!.
YA RIGHT!!WHY NOT??

must say the 'ooh aah ouch' advertisement has indeed left behind its magic on the grey matter of our masses.and in a wonderous way which cannot be rubbed off even with long hours of lecturing...

after i got over the initial horror of the situation, i tried to scare her saying she can die if she continued to do that (i even exaggerated a bit by making distorted facial expressions to try to show her how painful it would be to die of iodex-poisoining..sigh!)
but instead of expressing fear and awareness, she leaves me stunned and giggles "IODEX malo kaam pe chalo"

it was really traumatic---my medical knowledge and acting skills, both being ignored like that...sniff!! :(

January 19, 2009

TAGGEDY-TAG!!

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
my first reaction would probably be---i wont believe it and would reconfirm it for myself...if its actually happening, then i think i would sob my eyes out and wonder where i went wrong to deserve that...then i would gather myself and contemplate murdering him and her..afterall 'murder ek karoon ya do, saza toh ek hi baar hoti hain na' :-/

ok jokes apart, no matter how miserable it makes me feel i would gather myself somehow and walk out right there and then---no questions asked...because in my opinion, if someone cheats on you once, he is perfectly capable of doing it over and over again....

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
dreams coming true---now thats more of an 'oxymoron'..lol!!.if dreams did come true, then they would no longer be dreams...we wudent be cribbing about 'reality' then would we??
ok seriously speaking, i try not to dream with expectations...because dreaming does not hurt but expectations sure do! :)

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
umm...lemme see..how many am i allowed to kick?? :p

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
gimme a billion dollars and watch what i'd do ;)

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
frankly speaking, thats very much possible...the person i fall in love with, would definitely have to be my best friend...the converse (ie my 'best friend' would definitely be the person with whom i'd fall in love) does not have to be true though...

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
being loved by the person u love..period!

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
now if this question was asked to me a coupla years back probably i would give u 'indefinitely' as an answer...
but then some answers change as u grow older and wiser...
if the person has'nt realised/isnt sure that he loves me now, then probably he doesnot love me at all or he may never realise it...but even if he does, a long long time later down the line,it probably might just mean a compromise...
i might still love him even then but would'nt allow myself into some 'compromised love' he took a 100 years to realise..so it would never work!

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
i would stay away...afterall she got there faster :)

9. If you like to act with someone, who will it be? Your gf/bf or an actress/actor?
phew! its a good thing i dont like 'acting'...u could have gotten me in a tough spot there ;)

10. What takes you down the fastest?
lies

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
im sorry but im too busy trying to figure out my 'present' to be thinking about my future...

12. What’s your fear?
misunderstanding and being misunderstood by the people i love...

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
i tagged myself..and i think..err.. no i know---that im the BESTEST! ;)

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
umm would rather be single and rich...marriage itself is sucha huge responsibility..why complicate it more by being 'poor' when i have a better choice??

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
check my cell phone for the time...

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
no..i would never compromise on my selfrespect and conscience for anything or anyone...

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
its IMPOSSIBLE to fall in love with two people simultaneouly...the heart always takes a stand...its your call whether u want to listen or ignore..

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
NO!...because i would expect that special someone never to do sucha horrible thing...

19. What are your three most important expectations in love?
1) he MUST BE a one-woman-man and obviously i should be the 'one-woman' in his life ..*blush* (ofcourse mother, sister, friends allowed...but heck! u know what i mean)
2) he should be smart intelligent and witty (these 3 qualities usually come as a package deal..so its but natural to expect them all together)
3) he should have the patience to bear up with me without ever making it seem like a favour...
(actually there are many more..this has really got me started..but then il'l remind myself that im asked only 3 and stop for now...but watch out---there will soon be a lonnnngggg post on this! :p)

20. List 6 people to tag:
most people around here have taken this up...so the ones who havent already are free to do so...

cheers!!

January 16, 2009

the choice...

she is standing there all dressed in white...she looks calm..serene..unaffected..a strange glow lights up her face...she seems happy..content...calling me towards her with motherly affection...
i take a few steps in her direction....when all of a sudden, a strange fear grips me...
there is only one question playing on my mind like a broken record---should i go ahead???
it is then that i hear a faint call.i turn to see a shadow---blurred, hazy, discrete..."dont run away from me my child, come back to me" it keeps saying....
there is a strange solace in that voice...a reaasuring note which wants me to rush back...just like a child rushes back into his mothers arms when he is afraid...

but then something holds me from going back..there is this lady in white who seems soo genuine...soo much like she wants to see me happy..the light she is emanating makes me feel that she is going to be there to show me the way...to guide me..but she says nothing...she just smiles and asif reading the thought in my head says "ask yourself"

i try to concentrate but my attention is broken over and over again by the shadow calling out to me...it seems familiar--the voice..asif ive heard it before..from close quarters...yet it is suspiciously artificial...
it seems convincing enough to make me feel that it needs me to return to it, promising to keep me safe forever...secure and strong forever..yet i am afraid...not satisfied...

but the lady in white is a stranger...and maybe that is the fear tugging at me...maybe i am soo used to the familiarity that i am feeling afraid to put my trust in a stranger who i havent ever seen before...yet somehow, there is this conviction---this strong gut feeling...this voice in my head telling me to take those steps forward towards the light...

i turn to see the shadow again...it looks sad...looks lonely, saying-- "please dont go..how will i live without you?" ..damn!! it must be missing me!
i strain my ears to hear if the 'light' ahead has something to say...but it is still silent..not a single word..just the pristine smile which tells me that i wouldent regret my decision had i to choose the path infront...i give it a questioning look again and all it says is "ask yourself"..

i stand there helpless and confused not knowing where to go...

i have to choose between the two...
the comforting security of the shadow or the silence of the light??
the familiar road i had once been or the bright path of which im clueless about??
the past that was or the future that awaits???

i close my eyes and stand rooted to the exact spot i am standing---not knowing what to do....
i hope the heavens above give me some sorta sign...that the 'great force' sends me some sorta signal...

with eyes shut tight, i try to focus my attention on the image forming in my head...
it is that of an 'hourglass'---probably life's way of telling me that im running out of time...
DISCLAIMER: this post is not written in a complete state of conciousness (thanks to the fever which has suddenly gone bad to worse in one damn day and managed to spoil all plans of the short holiday i was supposed to go for)..
so that leaves behind the following probabilities---
a) i get a 'high' outta depression sometimes and i dont even know it...the hangover results in such creations..
b) my past and future has a very blurred face (considering its tough recognising a 'shadow' and a 'glow')
c) my life till now has all been just a dream...
d) i am actively hallucinating...
e) all of the above...
and last but not the least,
f) none of the above..points a) to e) were afterall just 'your' imagination ;)

January 10, 2009

dedication time--say it with a song...


Ever feel a song playing in your mind in the middle of a conversation?...well im not speaking 'bollywood' here...just those certain ocassions where u dont know what to say and all that the situation reminds you are certain lyrics of a certain song which couldent have said it better....
well there are some songs which speak out for u..some which keep u wondering how on earth the writer knew what exactly uve been feeling...and then there are those which u dont want to hear only because they might drive u crazy with their wonderful lyrics and their significance in your life..

despite of being the incessant chatterbox that i am, there have been situations wherein i dint what to say and all i did was come back home and hear the wonderful song which had been buzzing in my mind all along...now u might call me a drama queen for this..what-e-ver! :-/

but seriously, wouldent it be wonderful if we could just break into a song like in the movies and then maybe the person at the other end would know exactly what we are feeling...i know that would be a bit silly if overdone :D (imagine someone going "oh this reminds me of..." every 5 minutes and worse still if the person is supposed to be someone who's technically not programmed to tread the singing arena :p)..
but neverthless it still would be flattering and soo perfect when coming from the right person...eh?
Was just thinking along these lines and thought why not start a dedication post right here on 'nostalgic moments'...and so here it is!!

go right ahead...give me your dedications and il'l drop a small note on the respective blog and ask him/her to come by to hear u out :D

and who knows---what this might start...some misunderstandings might be cleared..some feelings might be expressed...new friendships may be born...and some bonds might just get stronger...

so go right ahead and express your hears desire...and u dont need to shy away...nobody and i mean NOBODY would ever reject a dedication because it sure is a wonderful gesture to tell someone u care about them....


so just like in the umpteen dedication-posts that have happened in blogsville in the past, this one makes sure you follow some rules enjoy some liberties as well---
1) u have to leave behind the name of the song (u are more than welcome to include a youtube link/audio link..or even put a song clipping in your own voice only if ur exceptionally talented in that dept though-u wouldent want us to blame u for a headache would u?) along with the name and blog url of the person u want to dedicate it to...and urs truly would do the rest *angelic smile*

2) no hate messages or songs which can evoke resentment in any way please because "nostalgic moments" is not here to bring down someones spirits or sadden/hanger/hurt someone...so in case u hate someone and want to express it, go find your own way out...

3) u are free to leave along with the song, a few words--for the person u are dedicating the song to..itll only add to the effect *points to the halo over her head*

4) u are free to give out dedications to as many number of people u want and multiple dedications to the same person are also allowed...

5) this will go on for a week after which the post will be closed...so remember there is a deadline (17/1/09) and please dont take ages deciding whether to put in a dedication or not..u dont want to be late :)


so lets start, people!!...let me play messenger to your dedications and spread some joy..its not everyday that i get to do that (being the mean scrooge i normally am) :D
leave your inhibitions, hesitations and irritations behind and join in...

live and let live.....

love and let love...

cheers to me (ok ok to you as well) :D
*takes a bow*

January 09, 2009

just for laughs

ok here is a video from one of my favourite stand-up comedians..he rocks!!


ENJOY!!
(and dont forget to visit 'nostalgic moments' tomorrow because its 'dedication-time' for blogsville from 10/1/09 to 17/1/09 right here..so join in and celebrate with me..cheers!)

January 06, 2009

eclipse

(ive written this piece from the perspective of a dying girl who knows that she has to let go of life but is unwilling to let go of love)


take me by the hand and lead me out...
i have been waiting way too long...
behind this closed door i stand,
the walls painted red decide my fate...

hold me close to you today...
free me not from these invisible chains...
for i might run away again,
from you from here from everyone...
hold me and never let me go...
the night is close and the dawn soo far...
take me by the hand and lead me out,
but not to leave me for i might wander...
and if i do, i know not when,
i will find my way back here again...
its been so long that im living here,
and now i am very much secure...
i want to sleep in your arms,
but dont loosen ur grip on me, i plead...
for i might run away from here,
and never return this way again...

so take me by the hand and lead me out,
but follow close i want you to...
dont let me wander too far away,
cos im afraid of the night so dark,
which seems for long has come to stay...
so dont leave me alone in the woods,
tie me up and keep me near...
let me stay by your side,
make this lonely night dissapear...

so take me by the hand and lead me out,
show me the stars and the moon in the sky...
but hold me close dont let me go,
in pursuit of the stars so far...
i might wander and never come back..
i might vanish in the night so black...
and then know not how to return,
get lost forever never to learn,
that the stars and the moon have nothing to say,
and that they'd vanish by the crack of day...
and touch them if i dare to try,
i'd have to agree to burn and die...
and leave u forever and go away...

so bind me and hold me close,
for i know not how to live without you...
the stars the moon tempt me afar,
but its here in ur heart i want to return to...
for ur heart has become my humble home,
and your love, these chains which have me bound...
the stars and moon are illusions i see,
reflecting doubts i find lying around...

im afraid of leaving alone from here,
the illusions wait for me around the bend...
so take me by the hand and lead me out,
and promise to stay with me till the end!!

January 05, 2009

uncomfortably comfortable!

there is this thing about pain...at one point, u get soo used to it that u start missing it when ur happy....asif ur addicted!!
thats when u search for reasons to feel sad...
thats when u go right out in the 'dont enter' zone and invite the hurt...
thats when it kills another part of you and u actually ignore the 'death' and feel proud that atleast the rest of you was strong enough to survive it instead...
'bring it on' becomes the motto...
and 'survival' becomes the game...

u become numb...sometimes uncomfortably numb...but it dosent matter...u survive it somehow and u take comfort in that...

life becomes a challenge and u are surprised if someone dosent end up hurting u...
u get shocked, confused, sad, suspicious, doubting, imaginative...

and then finally when it gets to a point when that same someone begins to hate u for being the untrusting insecure wretch u seem to be, u feel sad...dejected..let down..empty..hurt...
and finally comfortable---because its only then that u are convinced that life has turned normal once again!!

January 04, 2009

is 'cutting off' really that easy??

I was checking my orkut when suddenly i remembered that i hadent wished a friend for the new year...that brought about yet another realisation that i hadent heard from her over the last few days...
so feeling a tad bit dissapointed i typed in her name only to find out that she was no longer there in my friend list...i was taken aback (no!..shocked is more apt a word) but then i consoled myself thinking that she had probably exchanged her name for a status msg on her profile...so i went ahead and tried searching her page in a common friends list and there she was--among the first few people showing online!!
what i found out later through the common friend was that she has been going through a tough time and so has decided to cut off on all 'online' friendships!!

thats when enlightenment dawned that maybe she is one of those or has changed into one of those people who no matter what, decide never to rub off the line between 'online' and 'friendship'
there have been times in the past when i was wary of online friendships myself...but then i met u guys and realised that i was wrong..so totally wrong!!

well yes, i still am cautious of random strangers on the net and there is no denying that but if and when i befriend them, i make sure i dont walk out on them...and definitely not for a reason they are least responsible for!!
not asking for much but atleast a small note saying that ur rubbing me off is all i expect...!
i wont ask questions...
i wont expect any explanations...
just tell me that ur walking away and i promise i wont stop you!
but leaving silently like this??? its just not done!!
where did the friendship go?
where did the sweet talk and plesantries dissapear? or was it exactly that---"sweet talk and ridiculous plesantries"
i know she blogged about it and im guilty of not being able to update myself..but having known that, is leaving a small tiny message/email/scrap too difficult?

i know that we all need our 'me-time' once in a while..but dont expect me not to be shocked and hurt if u suddenly dissapear like that!!
no i wont understand...
no i wont sympathise...
ive been there...done that...have had my share of insecurities, vulnerabilities and all i can say is that with time, u realise that losing out on people who really care about u is just not worth it...

remember 'someone who deserves ur tears will never make u cry and if he does then it just means he isnt worth ur tears'..so gear up...get up and face the world...dont run away from friends..from life!!
im also aware that realisation dawns with its own sweet time..
so i wont offer long hours of advice and i wont force my opinion...like i said on her blog, we are there with her...maybe from the other side of the comp screen but we always will be! (unless ofcourse she decides to rub us off from her life for good)
For now, all i can do is wish her all the best and hope 2009 gets her back with us as a much stronger and happier person!

January 02, 2009

...

i want you to be the glow on my face...
i want you to be the stride in my pace...

i want you to be the truth in my lies...
i want you to be the twinkle in my eyes...

i want you to be the love in my heart...
i want you to never from me stay apart...

i want you to be the breeze in my hair...
i want you to be the joy of my share...

i want you to be the nostalgia in my tears...
i want you to be the best of my peers...

i want you to be the moon of my night...
i want you to be the reason of delight...

i want you to be the dimple in my smile...
i want you to be around all the while...

this might sound selfish and maybe thats what u'd see...
but cant help it---i want you to be the best in me!!
:)



[ahh!! what better way than to start the new year with a whiff of romantic poetry in the air to heighten ur curiosity! ;)]