Last night, i got a text from a friend saying that she had finally spoke to her ex after a whole month of awkward soul shattering silence.
It was just a couple of days back, that she spent hours on end, telling me that she needed to convince herself that it was all over---that they were no longer together.
She had been avoiding him like the plague, not visiting his usual hangouts from fear of confrontation, not glancing in his direction even if he was standing miles away and had pretty much sworn off all guys after that relationship had ended.
So, after another close friend convinced her to speak to him and settle the issue for good, she had finally agreed.
I, for one was not too sure how it would go..but as a friend, i too agreed that she should have a final confrontation with him if it helped her move on from what was, pretty evident to all of us, a dead (would refrain on saying anything more on it here) relationship.
She said she would try.and hours later, this was followed by the text i received from her yesterday.
I called her up and she hurridly answered the call, the enthusiasm clearly reflecting in her voice
She told me that the conversation apparently had gone rather well..and i knew right there, where this was going..the quest for closure had ended with a few eluding words suggesting that he missed her like crazy (or so she heard him say).
"but i thought you wanted closure?" i asked her.
"ofcourse silly, and ive got it..we are just 'friends' now, just like how it was at the start" she gushed with excitement akin to a fat kid who had accidently discovered a big bar of his favorite chocolate in the fridge---the one he'd thought he had already eaten.
yes, strange are the ways of love...and stranger still is, the predicament it makes us humans face.
We keep searching for closure all the time.
We keep seeking answers when given a chance.
We never give up on expecting explanations.
We are constantly looking for clarity--the clarity of black & white amidst the broken pieces of coloured memories.
but last night made me think...
Is searching for 'closure' just an excuse we keep making to ourself to relive a few precious moments once again?
Is the chance of an 'explanation' almost always given with the hope of an apology and a want to start all over again?
Can you still be 'just friends' with an ex?
Can 'just like before' ever really start all over again and if yes, then how long before it crumbles?
Can that last conversation really happen without any mudslinging, raised expectations, fake pleasantries and bitter feelings?
and more importantly if it does happen, then does it really help get over things?
I said a quick bye and ended the conversation---i did not want any of my pessimism rubbing onto her.
Afterall, here was someone who claimed to have found closure over something that was closed quite a while back...
and then ironically, there was me...who kept wondering why everyone can't be just that lucky :)
Anyways, ending this on a positive note...
until we meet again,