August 01, 2011
turnoffs list #1----Mind Your Language!
I was talking to a blogger, the other day and he suggested that i should write up a list of what things/traits in people annoy me..so that those who find themselves in the list stay away from me right at the start, to avoid future disappointment and war cry..
i guess he was joking or perhaps he was being sarcastic..but i kinda liked the idea..
So here i am, presenting to you all, my first list of turnoff's *drumrolls*
and though im aware that at the end of this series im writing (yea, this is just the first list..heehee) i might be pretty friend'less', i will still take the risk and go ahead with it..sigh!
Please take it with a pinch of salt and do not feel offended---you can concentrate on the bright side instead, atleast you would now know how 'not' to impress me--tadaaa!! ;)
so here's the first list----'mind your language!!'
1) when someone messes up with grammar while speaking..esp if its inserting the present continuous form of the adjective eg "you liking this? you liking that" and so on.
2) when someone tries to use words like "footwear" and "clothing" for "shoes" and "clothes"
3) major turnoff would be someone combining 1 & 2 and coming up with something along the lines of "YOU LIKING MY FOOTWEAR?"
please note--this was actually said to me by a stranger in one of london's topmost shoe stores...just when i was so close to getting all impressed with her style of dressing, she walked up to me all smiles (happy to see another indian face i guess).What then followed, was one of the most disastrous conversations which included a ruthless cold blooded blood curdling murder of english and a line which stuck in my head for posterity--"you liking my footwear??" she asked tossing her head back with what could have been easily mistook as the attitude of a hollywood starlet.
and that was it!! Even the fact that she was a fellow indian & the only familiar desi face around, didn't help..i was majorly put off..managed a fake smile & something that looked some what close to a affirmative nod and scurried off.
4) when someone mispronounces "bear" as "beer"
more than put off, im terrified of such people..terrified for dear life..let me explain.
Imagine if you are caught up in the wild dangerous jungles of south africa with one such a person.
Just when you have started consoling yourself that there is hope of getting out alive, she/he screams "LOOK!! BEE-YEAR BEHIND YOU!!!!!"
Now considering the sorry pronunciation, it is very likely that you get all excited & do a mental joy-dance in your head before turning around in anticipation of the chilled golden liquid and actually getting a heart attack.
See!! that is exactly why such people put me off!!
5) people who mix up genders while speaking..this category also involves people who, in a desperate attempt to sound cool, use phrases like "dudeeeeee" even if its a dudette in question..
also, people speaking 'tapori' (if you know what i mean) hindi & to some extent the 'stereotyped bengali' hindi also manage to tick me off (please note---ive specifically mentioned "stereotyped" as i know quite a many bengalis who can give hindi pundits a run for their money...besides, unlike the former 'sadakchhap tapori's' of maximum city, they do not take pride in murdering the language & are almost apologetic---a trait i find quite humble & cute.
6) when people use words like 'fcuk' to express their degree of frustration..nowadays most use it just cos they think its cool..replacing it with 'phhish' or 'what the fishing tank' (yea, that is the latest moronic version, that ive heard).
people who think, using expletives is cool, ought to really go for 'grey cell transplant' or something..its not routinely done on earth..but im sure there are more like me, who are willing to fund their transport charges.
7) not to forget the high pitched pseudo accented specimens...how i just cant stand those!!
Most often than not, the accent is picked up after staying a couple of months in UAE or S'pore or something.
ok, if it has obviously brushed onto you after staying light years in some foreign land, it is still acceptable...but cmon, two weeks back you leave the airport muttering a 'hanumaan chaalisa' under your breath and then you come back after a fortnight acting all 'phirang' is just so damn hilarious..
ohh & needless to mention, a total turnoff..it just shows me how embarrassed you are about where you come from.
8) and lastly but not the least, people with halitosis...i mean, the least they can do is have a listerine mouth wash, before talking to me.
or else they ought not expect me not to
---puke right infront of them.
---keep mum and carefully open out a tissue/wipe which to their embarrassment & much to the amusement of people around, hold it over my face, every time they open their mouth to say something.
---all of the above in ascending.
yeah, ive got a sensitive system like that...and im no Siegfried to handle the situation!! :-|
This category also involves those who are naturally inclined to blow off spit bubbles in your face, as they speak..just one word for this group---EYUCKKKKK!!!!!
ok i know that the last category does not really justify as a 'mind your language' point.but i seriously think these people are better off with their mouth shut, atleast until they do something about it.sigh!!
hmmmm...i guess that is about all as far as 'speech' is concerned...we will come to the other departments later ;)
soooooooooooo, until we meet again (with turnoffs list #2), watch the space...