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February 17, 2015

My million dollar recipe

What can go possibly go wrong with good old Maggi instant noodles, eh?


This popular instant snack has been saving too-lazy-to-cook Indians world over from going to bed on an empty stomach. It has been my savior during the bleakest of hostel days. It has soothed my anxious nerves before the weakest of exam hours. It has stood up for me every single time. Hence, no matter what jealous Maggi competitors have to say, I, Priyanka Naik, will always be an undying fan and grateful loyalist to this easy and tasty snack.
So, coming back to the point. What can possibly go wrong with this two-minute preparation? After almost two decades of making instant noodles, and declaring myself a 'Maggi Chef' in my own kitchen, I was hell sure that no one and I mean NO ONE, (leave alone the great Masterchef, me) can ever go wrong in making it. This little yellow packet is not just indispensable but also a 100% success formula for hungry stomachs and tired minds. All you need to do is, empty the contents in boiling water, add the taste maker and wait for it to cook.Voila! Delicious noodles ready, right?
NO! Wrong!
Not every time...especially not with yours truly.
After all, yours truly has always been Mr Murphy's favorite muse, hasn't she?

So let me tell you how it all happened. *rubs palms and gets into story telling mode*
Well, last night, I decided to fix myself an instant dinner. Now the first thing that comes to my mind when I think instant is Maggi. Good old faithful Maggi. So, in I popped into the kitchen and out came the cooking pan, pair of scissors and the traditional knight in yellow armour. Little did I know that this  one single area of expertise (yes, cooking Maggi I mean) that I gloated would never betray me, would stab me in the back. Mr Murphy often visits me when my common sense is out for a walk...the good-for-nothing wimp that he is.
But like every bad experience, there was a lesson I gleaned from this disastrous accident too---I learned how not to make Maggi noodles. *grins proudly*

On the bright(er) side, I now know a fantastic recipe for a preparation that could be put in use when I am old and grey, when my reflexes are weak and my teeth have fallen out. Well, I am sure I'd be just as lazy then, maybe even lazier. If I manage to stick around to such a ridiculously wise and senile sensitive age, I am pretty sure I'd be well equipped with Maggi packets as well.How silly it would seem if I gagged on a noodle. What would happen to my cool image et al? Now that I have this secret recipe, I don't need to stress over that anymore. YO!
Hey, but let's not be all selfish. It's not all about me, you know. I am sure the recipe I have discovered (all great inventions were discovered by accident, you know) could also qualify for a very convenient and easy to make formula food for babies. Hey, all you young mommies out there, I hope you are reading.

So here goes. Below is the above mentioned recipe in ten easy steps. (Sharing it on the blog only because I love you all soooo much)
  1. Heat water in a pan (as suggested on the back of the pack).
  2. Empty the contents of the pack
  3.  Go to answer the door bell.
  4.  Realizing that the guest who has entered will take a while to leave and not wanting to cook when he/she is around, slowly sneak into the kitchen and turn off the stove. Cover the pan containing the soaked noodles and leave the kitchen with the intention to resume what you have left half done, once the guest leaves.
  5. After  a good 30-45 mins (unexpected guests generally takes that long to leave. but in case he leaves early, you can get distracted by a TV soap or something),  re-enter the kitchen only to find the thin noodle strands miraculously bloated. The water in the pan would have disappeared by then, and remember, you haven't even added the taste maker yet.
  6. Add more water. (Obviously!) How else is the taste maker going to dissolve? It's not chaat powder that you can sprinkle on, remember?  Yes, so add more water, about the same quantity you added in the first place.
  7. Now add the taste maker.
  8. Stir vigorously, more out of panic from perceiving that the noodles have attained a pale, bland looking appearance instead of the predicted dark yellow color. This step can be accompanied by wondering whether to add turmeric powder to enhance the look. (Desperate times call for desperate measures.) But don't give in to that thought. Why? Err...I dunno. I didn't, so you don't!
  9. Cook on alternate high and low flame until all the water evaporates.
  10. Garma Garam Mushy Maggi tayyar!!! 
Be proud and dig up in a hole to bury the messy concoction!

For all those who want to know what followed the above such episode last night, well...nothing much. I normally do not like sharing my Maggi with anyone, especially with my nasty older sibling. But the Maggi I'd so lovingly cooked yesterday simply could not be eaten alone. I had to share the love with her. Sadly, she never believes me when I'm in such a generous mood, and so did not appreciate the sentiment. Her reaction after the first bite reminded me of the famous shower  scene in 'Psycho'. Lucky for me, I was not trapped like the heroine in the cubicle and could run away if necessary.

Nevertheless, between emotional threats of children going hungry in Somalia and  sentimental dialogues of 'Anyone can make mistakes', I managed to force feed the family into gulping the bolus (that looked nowhere like Maggi by the time it was done) without choking. Half the concoction went into the thrash can. But like I said earlier, we see the bright side of every situation.
I now have a success formula that I am planning to sell to the company for a million bucks.

 'New Maggi Noodle Mush--for the toothless & the constipated...'

Don't be shocked if you see the 'Noodle Mush' recipe being promoted anytime soon. And once that happens, don't forget to feel special...you got to read it here first! *blows kisses to everyone*

Keep experimenting.
Cheers!!