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March 31, 2017

X for '(e)X-factor'

Relationships are complicated, and even more complicated than them are break-ups. We all have had at least one person for whom we have suffered through the anger-despair-regret cycle, for whom we have sat on the bathroom floor crying buckets, devoured dollops of empty calories from ice cream tubs, binge watched movies and emptied boxes of Kleenex.
It is true that getting over a relationship is an arduous process, and drains you out emotionally especially when you see your ex moving on at break neck speed. That is when the  reality of the situation strikes you the hardest. You know you need to move on but feel you will never be able to. But like they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

So for all you broken-hearted people, who, right now, just need that one person who can assure them they are going to survive the pain they are feeling, this one's for you. The fact that you have stumbled upon this page, and are reading this post which I have no clue why I got about writing is proof enough that it's all happening for good reason. Maybe this is exactly how it's supposed to work.

Anyway, let's not digress too much. We got work to do. Long story short, here are some tips collated from the experts and their break-up experiences which promise to help speed up recovery.

So buckle up, and put that smile back on your face. It's time to axe your eX.

1. First and foremost, accept that the relationship has run its course. Every relationship comes with a shelf life, after which it starts to lose its flavour. The chinks in the armour begin to show, the flowers seem to  wither, and the stars don't twinkle as bright as before. It's rather tough to detect these changes because human as we are, we keep convincing ourselves that it's just a speed breaker and not a road block. But deep within, we know when it's really over. Accepting a drastic change like that is difficult. But it's no use holding on when it's time to let go.

2. A common mistake we tend to do after breakups is hurry. We do not give ourselves enough time to bleed. You must realise that healing is a gradual process. Finding a rebound will only provide a temporary emotional crutch before things get messy again. Take your time out. Bleeding wounds if bandaged prematurely will only soak the bandage. Grieving over a dead relationship is alright. Don't be too hard on yourself. Cry a river. Then build a bridge and cross it.

3. Concentrate on your career. Invest in your passion. Learn a new language. Paint, write, sing. Pursue a hobby to the hilt. A better future involves all this and so much more. If you meet love on the way, welcome it. But don't forget, it's just a pit stop. The journey is long and wonderful. This time, don't settle for less than a love that agrees to go the entire nine yards with you.

4. If you've had an ugly breakup, the best thing to do is end all communication. Go cold turkey. Block messages. Ignore calls if any. There is no point in playing blame games or mud slinging. If you cannot be courteous about it, a clean finish is the dignified way to end a relationship.

5. Spend time with people you have been neglecting, friends who won't venture into 'curious' territory and still make sure you are having a good time. Step out more often. Make the trip you always wanted. However, try and keep away from places where you are likely to bump into each other.

6. Ice cream always helps. But watch those calories. Remember once you start feeling better, you wouldn't want those extra inches around your waist to be cause for misery again.

7. Jive, Salsa, Zumba---participate in some high energy activity.

8. Kill the green monster. Don't stalk him/her on Facebook to check out who he is hanging out with, who has tagged him in pics, or what he is up to. It's only going to get you jealous for no reason. Moving on takes time. Don't impede the process.

9. Love yourself before anyone else again. Because in the end, it's only self-love that proves to be the strongest.

10. Make art . You are in this world for a reason and as much as you'd want to believe that the reason is love, it isn't. In the famous words of Carrie Fischer, "Take your broken heart, and make it into art.

11. Olx.com (Sell off all the stuff that reminds you of him.

12. When in doubt, read. A good book is guaranteed to open up a whole new universe and show you how inconsequential your heartbreak is. Err...just make sure you keep away from the romance novels in the first few weeks.

13. Work out. Get into shape. Lose that extra flab you have gained by gorging on those ice cream tubs. It's time to fit right back into your favourite outfits. Let him eat his heart out when he sees you next. And when that happens, make sure you don't go back. Remember all the reasons you guys broke up for/over. Remember that they aren't going anywhere. They will be right there where you left them.

14. Now that you have read this list, it's time to focus on acting on it. Just like you won't find the same love twice, every break-up is also unique in its own way. Make your own rules. Find out which of these suggestions work for you, and pass it forward. There is always a heart breaking somewhere around you. You aren't alone in this.

Yes, we've all been there at some point, watched our hearts cracking open, witnessed/experienced the waterworks, cursed, ranted, raved, and sworn off love. But a few years down the line, it no longer seems as significant as it did once. Why?
Because we live only once. We are not coming back this way again. So why cause ourselves unnecessary pain and agony? There are more things to life than seemingly torrid short-lived love affairs. But it's hard to realise that when you are nineteen, right? Hell! It's hard to understand that even in your thirties or forties or fifties at times. But trust me on this, nothing in the whole wide world is worth the misery we are capable of bringing upon ourselves.
So cheer up and save that spark. The fire will burn again. Trust the magic of new beginnings.

Until then, keep smiling.
And
Peace out!

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X for '(e)X-factor' is the twenty-fourth post in the 'A-Z Series' of posts, a chain of scribbles by me on topics starting with each alphabet of the English language. Read back and forth for the other posts, and please feel free to contribute your thoughts on the subject.

March 20, 2017

W for 'Wastrel proceedings'

I tried to cheat time by breaking the hour glass. I wanted to lock every moment, feel every memory in the palm of my hand, hold it, relive it, immortalise it and never let it go.
Carefully, I emptied the contents of the hour glass; golden dust of a magical past that I yearned to safeguard. But every time I closed my fist in an attempt to tighten my grasp over it, the grains of sand would slip from the gaps between my fingers.

As my gaze fell over the broken hour glass, I realised what I'd done. In my vain attempt to control time, I'd lost my chance of turning the hourglass over and starting anew. Desperately, I tried to collect the sand that had slipped onto the ground. But it was too late. My past, had taken along with it, my present and future and mingled with the dust.
And I could do nothing but watch...


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W for 'Wastrel proceedings' is the twenty-third post in the 'A-Z Series' of posts, a chain of scribbles by me on topics starting with each alphabet of the English language. Read back and forth for the other posts, and please feel free to contribute your thoughts on the subject.

March 09, 2017

V for 'VIBGYOR'

As a child, I'd never seen a rainbow for real. But I remember dreaming about one.
I'd memorise the different colors and wonder if they could be shifted and mixed. I'd wonder if one color drained into another when it rained, like the way my water colors would when I dipped my paintbrush in a palate of water for a little too long. I'd fantasise about collecting pieces of coloured rainbow falling from the sky. I'd even dream of  eating them---savouring their taste which I'd imagine would be akin to Poppins, the popular multi coloured hard candy available those days.

But my flights of fancy were soon to end, and one day, I finally witnessed a real rainbow. There it was, peeping at me from behind the clouds, sharing the same sky as the golden sun. I immediately started counting it's colors. But I could hardly discern all seven. This rainbow was nowhere like the mesmerising one I'd seen in books and animations, the one that my childish imagination had fallen in love with. I felt duped...cheated, sold off an inferior quality version when all I'd wished and prayed for was the VIBGYOR of my dreams.  My brain and heart, all of seven years, felt terribly let down. And that is when I first realised that reality is never as beautiful as you hope and imagine it to be.

Later in life, I learned that most things are like that. Expectations are often braced with disappointment. But human as we are, we never really learn.
Even now, there are days when I still expect that rainbow, all bright and flashy with seven strips of color and leprechauns flying over it. But soon enough, reality strikes making me feel heavily disappointed and disillusioned.

Nevertheless, the child in me still believes!
When the world is whitewashed of joy and I see no hopeful hues, I reach out to that imaginary rainbow I'd first witnessed in books and animations; the one I'd fallen in love with, the one that set the bar so high that reality couldn't  match up to it, the one I still adorn and immortalise with my words and imagination from time to time---My VIBGYOR with all its colors intact, perhaps waiting at the end of this mystifying yet  magical experience called life.

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V for 'VIBGYOR' is the twenty-second post in the 'A-Z Series' of posts, a chain of scribbles by me on topics starting with each alphabet of the English language. Read back and forth for the other posts, and please feel free to contribute your thoughts on the subject.

Dated March 11th 2017